Danny on Fatherhood

family photos from Europe 2011

2011-08-23T17:44:00.001-07:00

Here are some family photos from our trip to Germany and Spain this summer (2011). For the story of our trip and some thoughts on traveling with kids check out the previous blog about the trip. And check out my photography blog for some more photos from Germany and Spain.

at the schwimmbad in Germany:

At the beach in Valdovino, Galicia Spain:

Back in Germany:

Back in Spain (no we did not travel back and forth but the photos are not in perfect order):

and back to Germany:

a family european vacation

2011-08-23T17:04:00.000-07:00

It was dusk, closer to night than day, you could see the countryside around but people had turned on their lights. The hills were covered in dark green forest and in between the hills were fields of corn, wheat, and hay in various shades of greens and browns. On the side of the hill in front of us was a little town with the traditional German style architecture. Three story buildings with A-frame roofs which were covered in grey slate shingles or red tiles. The buildings were built with thick red wood beams that formed various X’s, in between which, bricks filled in the gaps. On some buildings these bricks were exposed, others where plastered over and painted white.

On top of the hill was an ancient castle, which was lit up by an orange glow of electric lights and above the castle through the wispy clouds; a giant orange full moon was rising. The scene was picture perfect and I would have loved to pull off to the side of the road to admire the scene or even try to capture it with my camera, but with two kids in the car we were rushing home to get them to bed. So as quickly as the view presented itself as we came out of the forest, it was gone as we rounded the next bend. Traveling with kids you gotta enjoy the fleeting moments like that and take what you get.

We were coming from visiting a childhood friend of Anke’s and her family in another small German town on the outskirts of Frankfurt. We had a good visit which included our typical afternoon visit agenda – visit the local playground and then barbeque and drink beer. As we drove past the scene described above our bellies were full of potatoe salad, German beer, and four or five kinds of meat.

Before we left for Germany we had a barbeque at our house with some friends who also have kids. At one point when I entered the kitchen all the adults were talking about recent family vacations they took as if they were talking about the worst experience of their lives. “When I got home I needed a vacation!” “We barely survived the trip!” This comment might have actually been “Our marriage barely survived the trip.”, i don't remember exactly.

Traveling with little kids certainly can be stressful. Often they don’t sleep well, which makes everyone tired, nothing like a baby screaming all night to take the “vacation” out of the vacation. Then you have all the shit you gotta travel with. Kids can go through numerous outfits a day, you need car seats, toys, books, medicine, diapers, snacks, etc, etc. We are already the kind of travelers that like to travel well prepared for everything (the opposite of traveling light). Add kids into the mix and forget it. I get my dose of exercise just by carrying our 300 pounds of luggage up and down the three flights of stairs where we stay. In fact the only time I really feel stressed is when we are moving and I am confronted by how much stuff we have. I think the stress is a combination of having to move all the stuff (while often running late) and the fact that it is reinforcing for the fact that traveling (and life) isn’t as easy as it used to be.

And of course taking care of kids is a full time job. You gotta dress ‘em, feed ‘em, change ‘em, entertain them, feed them again, they need to take naps or do homework, then you have to do it all over again in the afternoon, finally you get them to bed and have a moment to yourselves (to clean the kitchen and organize the stuff for the next days adventures.)

I am not trying to complain or whine about it right now – just acknowledging that traveling with kids is a lot of work and does not really feel like vacation. In fact being at home where you have all the things you need to do the job of parenting is much easier than taking the show on the road.

So why leave home? That is a good question. One answer is that we love to travel, while we are home we dream of all the places we can go, and to be honest you forget how much work it all is when you are dreamily buying your airplane tickets for the next trip. But there are other reasons of course. One great reason that isn’t one you necessarily plan on, is that it allows you to appreciate being home. At least that is the case for us, especially now that we live in Half Moon Bay, a place which is more beautiful, less crowded, and has better surf than most the places we end up traveling to. Another reason is to expose the kids to the world beyond their hometown. Now while this is one of the best reasons to travel with kids, it doesn’t really apply to really young kids. Traveling with really young kids is really just for the parents and since it is actually stressful for the parents it is arguably a waste of time and money, but that is not a lesson you learn until it is too late and by the time you learn it, the kids get older, and then the trips are more worth while. For example Hendrik is most interested in playgrounds, garbage trucks, and tractors – none of which are significantly different in Europe.

Of course it is not all stress. At some of the German barbeques we went to the kids actually played together well for a couple hours and we had time to relax and visit (until someone gets hurt or in an argument). And of course a trip to town can, as a traveler, be a culturally fascinating excursion and if you throw in an ice cream, the kids will love it too. You gotta do a lot of kid friendly stuff. We go to swimming pools rather than museums. Playgrounds rather than restaurants.

We spent two weeks in Spain at the beach. This greatly increased the vacation feel of our vacation for we did not have people to visit and we stayed in the same place for two weeks so all the stuff we travel with is finally an asset and not a hassle. Our stuff goes beyond that of a normal family as we have full wetsuits for the whole family and a ton of other stuff; I am sure many families do not travel with. (I am returning home with my Spanish shell collection and German fossil collection, we have children’s books in three languages; Noah has a list of 30 things he cannot eat so we travel with food for him, etc)

The beach is of course one place where the kids have fun and the adults can relax. For Anke and I it was a little less relaxing because we each want to take turns surfing, which complicates the logistics, but having little exercise in Germany it felt fantastic to be in the ocean everyday (even when the waves were marginal). We did have pretty fun surf while we were there – better than Portugal on our previous trip to Europe, and I would say for August in Europe we did very well. We loved the place we stayed as well – an apartment overlooking a campground. It was a short walk to the beach and a very relaxing place to stay as the kids could run free around the campground.

Noah and Hendrik have actually been really great this trip. The stress of traveling is really more due to the logistics involved rather than them not being able to go with the flow. They are both sleeping great – never even had jet lag. And they are both excited about everything. Hendrik is 2 years and 8 months old. He is talking pretty well and everything he says is so damn cute. The way he says, “carry me!” is nearly impossible to say no to. One morning, after jumping in the waves, it was “more big waves!” Windmills have fascinated him as we saw a number of them in Germany. Of course there are even more in Spain as Spain gets as much as 40% of their nation’s electricity from the wind. (Makes the United States look stupid. In Germany it is solar panels you see everywhere as solar in Germany is like wind power in Spain. Meanwhile in the US our politicians are so in the pocket of the fossil fuel industry that we actually give tax payer money to the highly profitable oil companies in the form of subsidies while taking away the ability of our environmental protection agency to regulate the destructive practice of mountain top removal for coal mining and its ability to regulate CO2 emissions. While I will not dwell on this issue for long, our government’s reluctance to support renewable energy is hurting not only the economy and environment of our nation, but it is hurting both the economy and environment of the entire world, for Global Climate Change is having drastic effects around the globe as we can see by the current drought and humanitarian crisis in Africa, the new “dust bowl” forming in the United States, by recent record breaking tornadoes, hurricanes, floods, fires, heat spells, etc. The inaction of the US government is actually criminal in my mind and can be blamed mostly on the Republican party, which is the only major political party on this entire planet that does not accept the science of Climate Change. The leaders for the Republican presidential nomination at the moment boast that they are fighting any legislation to protect against climate change and they ALL vow to not raise ANY taxes, a move designed to keep our government poor and keep them from being able to afford to regulate such things as the fossil fuel industry). But alas, this is my fatherhood blog, not my political one, so back to family matters:

When we were at the beach the other day getting blasted by sand carried in the wind Hendrik looked up and saw the windmills lining the ridges of the mountains around us. He got excited and his adorable little voice exclaimed: “windmills!” Then he made the observation that “windmills no have eyes”. I had to have him repeat himself numerous times before I understood what he was saying. Not because he was not speaking clearly but because what he was saying was so far out of the box for my adult mind. Of course it was a perfectly logical observation, as I found out as he explained his thought further: “windmills no have eyes so they don’t get sand in their eyes. Windmills like the wind. No eyes. No sand in eyes.” Of course implying that Hendrik did not like the wind as much as the windmills since he was getting sand blasted and since he has eyes.” So while we waited for Anke to finish surfing we survived the sand storm by doing one of Hendrik’s favorite things. We made up a song. He usually wants a song about the garbage man (which he says in German – ‘muellman’) but this time he wanted a “Lied” (German for song – pronounced ‘leed’) about windmills. “Windmills, windmills, they like the wind. Windmills, windmills they don’t have eyes” and so on. It does not have to sound much like a song for Hendrik to love it and insist on singing it over and over again.

Noah, now 7, is at an age where he can really benefit from traveling. He is lucky to speak three languages – English, German, and Spanish. He speaks the first two as a native speaker would and Spanish he is very proficient at, but of course needs more practice. At the campground in Spain we were surrounded by German tourists (as there was a surf camp there catering to German speakers) so he actually got to speak all three of his languages. He loves speaking Spanish and always wanted to be the one to do the talking at the super market or restaurant. In fact we often sent him on his own to the super market when we needed something. How cool for Noah, in a foreign country, to be able to go shopping and speak the local language, or to be at the playground and be able to speak to the kids.

Noah really understands that he is a multicultural being and coming to Germany for him is an essential part of fostering that in him. Everywhere we go people are very impressed with him and the fact that he speaks multiple languages perfectly. Noah is a reluctant (to put it mildly) student. He hates the idea of learning, although he of course loves to learn when he does not know he is learning but instead is engaged in a topic. This is obvious, for example, by his thirst for knowledge about things we may see when out in nature, or by his interest in books about animals and astronomy. The fact that he knows multiple languages is an example of him learning without knowing it. I hope that all the people who have told Noah how lucky and smart he is with his language abilities will have an eventual effect on him that will help him appreciate learning and ultimately school. Of course students like him are an example of why we should be encouraging more engaging and dynamic lessons in our public schools, rather than pushing the standardized tests like we do. Again, a topic for another blog.

Noah has experienced the broken heart of the traveler as well. He has always fallen for girls. Since he was 5 years old he has expressed love for particular girls, and the way he looks when he says it, you can tell he really feels it. He has said all sorts of cute things about girls he will marry and how “we have a lot of love on each other” when talking about girls. One day a few months ago, after reading a book about fairies, he asked me “Why do I LOVE girls and fairies so much?” His best friend in Spain ended up being an 8-year-old Austrian girl named Inca. She was camped with her family in the campground and the two of them played every day. They played Uno for hours and would also run around playing “wild animal” and at times Inca would have a rope tied to Noah who was on all fours pretending to be a dog on a leash. (Not the first girl he has played this game with). It was the first kid, actually, that Noah played with for long periods of time without ANY problems that we know of. No arguments, no fights, no hurt feelings, no problems. On the car ride to the airport in Spain Noah was sad. He said he felt sick to his stomach when he thought of Inca. He said, “I think I love her.” And truth be told, he was interpreting the sick feelings in his stomach very accurately. (This is another topic for a blog – there is a very interesting relationship between our mind and body in feeling emotions and it turns out that the mind actually reads how one feels in their stomach to help know what emotions to feel. The gut feeling or gut instinct is actually something to pay attention to.)

I am currently on the train from Munich to Frankfurt where I will catch a plane to Washington DC and then another to San Francisco. For the first time this trip I am experiencing the ease of travel without kids. I needed to be back for work but Anke figured she would like to stay an extra week in Germany at her sister’s house in Munich. This of course means she will have to make the trip home with the kids by herself. Another level of stress. But she has done it before and if Noah is on good behavior it should go fairly smoothly.

Looking back it was a fantastic trip and in all honesty when sitting around at the next barbeque it will not be horror stories that we will tell. (Except maybe about hauling luggage – or maybe about Anke’s trip home alone – we shall see how that goes). We had nice visits with Anke’s family and friends and did a few good tourist things as well.

Our time in Spain was very relaxing. While in Spain, Anke’s mother, sister, brother, and his girlfriend, all joined us for week in Spain so we had more time there with them. We had fun surf, visited gorgeous beaches, interesting towns and cities, ate yummy seafood, explored the coast, visited churches, and had good hang out time. Noah got to practice his hunter and gatherer instincts by catching a crab, boiling it, and eating it all by himself. Galicia turned out to be a fantastic choice of places to go in Spain. The coast was incredible – green and mountainous with wonderful white sand beaches, rivers, bays, and beautiful blue/green water you expect in the tropics. The ocean is colder and the weather wetter than in southern Spain so it is not really a tourist destination for most of Europe. This means 90% of the tourist around were Spanish and things were not crowded like they are in Southern Spain. We decided we would go back there again, and I would recommend it as a place to go for surfing families looking for a place in Europe to stay by the coast.

In Germany we spent a couple afternoons walking around the cities of Frankfurt, Saarbrucken, and Munich. We saw more churches, parks, ate ice cream and pretzels, drank beer, etc. We visited a dairy farm in Bavaria where Anke’s Sister Meike grew up spending her summers and Hendrik for the first time got see where cow milk comes from and how it is milked. We watched the surfers surf the river in Munich, which actually looked pretty fun. Sort of like having a skateboard ramp but for surfing. If I am ever in Munich with a surfboard and the time I will give a try. We visited Messel – one of the premier fossil sights in the world, which is an oil shale deposit that was once a volcanic crater lake in the middle of an Eocene rainforest and contains one of the world’s best records of like on Earth during that time. (It contains the well-preserved remains of plants, insects, fish, turtles, frogs, snakes, lizards, birds, and mammals including bats, early horses, tapirs, anteaters, and more.) I got to visit with my friend Tim with whom I lived in Korea with 16 years ago. He has lived in Munich for the past 9 years, which is about how long since I had seen him last. And Noah and I expanded our game of “super hero spy mix-up” to the European continent.

I guess it may have been easier to stay at home for the summer but I am glad we did not and the whole family is better for it. So if you have kids, go travel, just be prepared, it won’t be like it was when you were a 19-year-old backpacker with a Euro-rail pass.

Gever Tulley: 5 dangerous things you should let your kids do

2011-06-12T15:40:00.000-07:00

Check out this video parents! This guy has an incredible school called the Tinkering school where kids build whatever they want - like roller coasters built out of wood by second graders. As a great teacher he allows his students to fail and the failures are celebrated and analyzed and he wants kids to learn that you can figure things out by fooling around and that nothing ever goes according to plan.

this talk is geared towards parents and is a must watch:

Cookie the Karmic Cat, a Thanksgiving Story

2010-11-24T13:16:00.000-08:00

Well it is the day after Thanksgiving and I am full from leftovers, I LOVE Thanksgiving leftovers. I need to brag for a second here, I may have set a personal record - 8 hours without leaving the kitchen. Even though I made the stuffing and got the turkey in the oven the night before it was a marathon on Turkey Day. I single handedly cooked the entire meal and cleaned up. That is quite a feat - of course I am not the first to do it, but I won't let that take away my feeling of accomplishment. What made it especially time consuming was the fact that Noah cannot eat wheat, garlic, or cranberries. This meant in order to make things I had to start from scratch, using wheat free flower. For the string bean dish I had to fry my own french crispy onions and make the cream of mushroom soup from scratch. For the apple pie I had to make a wheat free crust. I made a berry sauce without cranberries. The dinner turned out great, the Turkey was a bit dry but it is actually my least favorite part of the meal anyway. The stuffing was the only thing I did not try to make for Noah.

The reward for all the hard work was the appreciation Noah showed. He could have easily said he did not like it and complain about the meal I just worked so hard on - after all he would have liked a burrito more. But he was super sweet. He really got the whole Thanksgiving spirit, he said "I Love Thanksgiving" and told me how delicious the food was and even asked for seconds. He would have eaten the entire apple pie if I had let him. Hendrik did not eat a bite but both boys were very good all afternoon. While I cooked, Anke researched surf destinations in Spain for next summer and both boys spent most of the afternoon sitting at the table drawing. I was thankful to have such a smooth day with the boys. Today things are back to normal - much more stressful but at least they held it together yesterday.

I never followed up on my pet blog from months ago. It was by far the blog that I got the most responses to ever. It was super fun hearing from everyone their stories and suggestions. People suggested fish, hamsters, guinea pigs, reptiles, dogs, cats, and many had great stories to tell about their choice of a family pet.

We ended up getting fish, and most of them died pretty quickly but we have two that have now survived a long time. Noah likes the fish, as does Hendrik, but they are pretty boring. (When the fish died we started a little cemetery in the back yard for them. Noah wanted to turn it into a business and advertise that people without yards could bury their fish in our back yard - a dollar a fish.)

Anke has always wanted a cat and a couple months ago we decided that maybe we should just get one. We checked out books from the library and eventually went to the pound to see what options there are for adopting a cat. They had hundreds of cats that need adoption, kinda sad, but there was also a line of people adopting.

We mentioned our trip to the pound to friends who live two blocks away and they said they have a stray cat that is at their door crying all the time. They wanted to find it a home and suggested we adopt it. We discussed this possibility. There were a couple issues. One was that our friends' neighbors wanted the cat and was feeding it I guess, but not taking good care of it. They were not allowed to have cats in their apartment and they would leave town and think a hummingbird was going to take care of it (I guess their sister can talk to animals - we have some weirdos in California, yes) The cat was super skinny and unhealthy. Also there was apparently other owners of the cat, who also were clearly not taking care of it.

We talked about getting the cat and bringing it home over Thanksgiving weekend to test out having a cat. We could see how Hendrik was, see if we liked this grey 'stray' cat. Problems of course were the other people who claimed the cat but were not taking good care of it, we did not want to 'catnap' a cat belonging to someone else, what if we did not want the cat afterwards, would he leave?

Anke went to the house that supposedly owned the cat, they said it was not theirs. We were still debating if we should talk to the other adopters. Our friends thought we should take it, that their neighbors were not taking care of the cat. If we did not take it, they were considering finding another family or taking it to the SPCA.

The week before Thanksgiving we began looking for the cat at our friends' house, We checked a few times a day but never saw it. On Friday Anke bought cat stuff - food, a litter box, toys. When I saw all the stuff I made a comment "you sure bought a lot of stuff considering we don't even have a cat."

On Saturday it was pouring rain and for our morning adventure we geared up and walked in the rain to the house but there was no cat. We came home and I stayed outside to do some chores. While I was outside, Noah and Hendrik had cats on their mind. Noah wanted to pretend we had a cat so he took a basket and made a cat bed into which he put a stuffed cat. Hendrik copied his big brother and did the same with a smaller basket. While outside I heard a meow. I meowed back and I saw a grey cat across the street. One more meow and he ran right over and onto our front door steps. I opened the door and Noah and Hendrik appeared at the top of the stairs, each holding their basket with pretend cat. The grey cat ended up coming right into the house, he drank and ate like he had done neither in ages, and he has not left us since.

We could not have asked for a better cat. He (or she), I haven't checked yet, is super good with Hendrik and Noah, even lets them pick her up. She used the litter box no problem, and we let her outside but she comes right back. She even let me stick a de-worming pill down her throat, something the guy at the pet store said could be a challenge. And she timed her move perfectly - not only were we ready for her but the weather went from heat spell to our coldest weather of the year (this morning we had frost, which is rare here by the beach).

Noah named the cat cookie, Anke wanted the name Karma. I suggested Karma Cookie. Of course not to be outdone, Noah said OK, "Cookie Karma".

So Cookie seemed to know we were ready for her to move in. The way it went down I do not feel bad at all, the cat just moved in, she chose us, and she is free to leave anytime she wants. By the looks of it she is not going anywhere, in fact, she acts as if she has lived here all her life.

videos from the summer

2010-08-28T21:34:00.000-07:00

So I have finally figured out how to upload movies to youtube and embed them in my blog. It is very simple actually.

I have been bad about sharing recent photos and videos with friends and family and as I know how quickly the kids change I am making a committment to be better at it so expect more frequent photos and videos as these kiddos are pretty damn cute as you can see in this next video.

Hendrik at 20 months shakin his booty on one of the balance boards I made. Too bad you can't hear the music.

The videos I have of Noah just aren't as cute as Hendrik's but he deserves some equal time here so here is Noah on the balance board.

This summer we went to my family's camp near Board's Crossing on the Stanislaus river. We were there with four generations of the family including my grandfather who has been camping there since he was Noah's age - about 90 years. Here we are at the gorge down river from camp.

Here is another adorable one of Hendrik. This is in front of our camp at board's Crossing.

Bad Influence

2010-04-20T20:22:00.000-07:00

Today was the spring concert at Noah's elementary school. When the last song ended Anke and I turned to each other "thank God that is over" one of said "what a nightmare" the other replied. The mother next to us turned and said "That was so sweet!" She was literally wiping tears from her eyes. Her reaction made me look at the kids other than Noah on whom my attention was fixed. I saw cute beaming little angles. What a different experience we had than most. Let me explain.

[Now we did have out teary eyed proud parent moment as well. There was a boy who was crying and Noah was reaching over and petting his arm and then holding his hand. So cute. Noah is really compassionate when he sees others upset.]

Looking into the future as a parent one of the worries one has are those bad influences. The kids who will pressure our sweet innocent ones to do things they otherwise would not do: steal things, try drugs, whatever.

Well that possible future is already reality for us, in kindergarten. Noah has the worst possible best friend and tonight it drove us crazy.

His best friend is a girl from his original class (at least now that he is in the Spanish program he is no longer in class with her). They love each other. When Noah and her see each other at school they run across the school yard and then Noah leaps through the air and Julia catches Noah and holds on to him while he straddles her. It is cute.

We already ended the play dates for them. Julia's mom's idea of a play date was to go to McDonald's for a hot fudge sundae and then go home and let the kids play video games. Neither of those things are things we chose to let Noah do. But we accepted that. Different parenting choices.

That wasn't the worst thing though. The worst was the fact that Noah thinks misbehaving is a cool way to get Julia's attention as she is constantly misbehaving as well. When she was at our house I would catch them with a hammer and a trail of destruction in their wake. Together they misbehave and Noah loves it.

So we put an end to play dates.

So tonight at the concert things were OK at first. Noah was on stage with his class and they were singing songs. Noah was being his goofy self and sticking his but out in funny poses and being extra silly with his hand gestures, but it was in the realm of acceptable behaviour - he was the one stand out goofy one but not too bad.

Meanwhile, Julia (who had performed the night before) was in the audience. Her mom sat watching Julia's brother in the performance while Julia and her sister ran freely around the room. They would come to the mom, make a ton of noise, run outside, pick flowers the parents planted, run back inside, jump up on the chairs, make more noise, they were being totally obnoxious and the mom never said one word to them, as if they were invisible.

Julia of course was watching Noah. At one point Noah's behaviour took a turn for the worse. Julia had gone up to the front and was teasing him and he was showing off to her by being extra goofy. Still not too bad.

The painful part came when Noah's class returned to their seats in the audience while other classes performed. Julia and her sister made the rounds of the room and outside, bringing Noah the flowers, so soon Noah had a lap full of freshly picked flowers from the rapidly deflowered garden out front.

Then came the last song. All the classes sang. Noah stood in the front. Julia ran up and actually stood between the teacher and Noah and Noah and her carried on as if they could care less a concert was happening. So basically between all the weeping parents and all the singing angles were Noah and Julia being rude little goofballs. The teacher at one point asked Julia to move. Never a word from her mom. (In retrospect we wished we had nicely asked Julia not to destract Noah)

When it ended we scooped Noah up and left in shame, the whole way home we had to listen to Noah tell us how cool Julia is and how he likes her behaviour and how he likes her more than us.

Oh boy, all we can hope is that they both somehow turn into angles as they get older or Noah grows out of his love affair with her before they are teenagers!

Noah in Kindergarten

2010-03-31T15:47:00.000-07:00

For us as parents and educators one of the most important things is that our children love school. We want them to be in a fun and safe environment where they can gain positive social skills, explore various disciplines, and gain a strong academic foundation. And of course we want them to be good students, respectful of their teachers and peers, good listeners, direction followers, etc.

Noah is towards the end of his Kindergarten year in Hatch public elementary school. It has been interesting being on the parent side of the equation. Noah is actually one of the worst behaved kids in his class - and was when he was in preschool too. He is not bad in a mean way just in a disruptive way. He has always had a difficult time sitting in a circle setting. He likes to be the center of attention and likes to be moving. A bit of a class clown you might say. He rarely stops moving or talking. We of course have gone through the stages of questioning if he is ADD or ADHD, if he has learning challenges, etc. As a parent you do not want your kid to be labeled or have something wrong with them but at the same time you don't want to be in denial and miss an opportunity to help him at a crucial early stage in his development. I won't get into all we have gone through regarding this - including our recent weekly meetings with a therapist - who Noah knows from what we told him as the person who is teaching him how to be a good kid and teaching us how to be good parents. I will save all that for another blog.

Noah in general has settled down a bit in school as he matures but he is still a handful I am sure. For me he is proof that many boys should be out in the jungle hunting animals with sticks and stones rather than sitting in a classroom. But of course his rebellious nature may not have served him well in the jungle either as when his teacher told him to stay away from the big cat with sharp teeth and he chose to see what the teacher would do if he chose to do his own thing and prove he already knows how to catch a tiger - well maybe he would have been eaten or maybe he would have become king. Who knows but fact is his nature has to fit somehow into that of modern education - drastically underfunded public education to be more precise.

Recently we received notice that due to California State budget cuts, $2.5 million is going to be cut from our district. The same week we received a letter saying our school district was on some sort of probation thanks to the No Child Left Behind act passed by congress during the Bush Administration. NCLB bases a school's performance on standardized tests so our fear was that as the district needs to improve their test scores teachers will be under more pressure to teach to the tests. This combined with the budget cuts that will increase class size from 20 to 30 students in K - 3 grade, eliminate counselors in the High School (we are not there yet of course), take away athletic stipends, etc. This on top of the fact that the district has had to cut $8 million in the past decade and are already lacking much in the way of PE, art, music, and basic supplies even - our kindergarten classes are not supplied with things like writing paper or tissue paper. Taking away money and expecting improved results! The fact that 60% of the students are Hispanic and perhaps a larger % than that have parents without college educations is not of course considered by the standardized testers. - Such bullshit, this country's educational policies/priorities - Obama's included - his race to privatization - but I will save that for another blog too.

As private school teachers Anke and I both know that there is a better education available. One with a better teacher to student ratio, tons of music, sports, art, and all those extras which cost money. We cannot afford private school for our kids or if we chose to go that route we would barely scrape by to make it work. We did consider it when the budget cuts and everything became reality.

We applied to the private school in HMB and I began to get excited about all the cool stuff they do at that school, the opportunities Noah would have to learn an instrument, take drama, play sports, etc. While we were waiting to hear from them we had another factor thrown in to our decision.

Our elementary has a Spanish immersion program which most of the educated, progressive families in our area get their kids into. We moved to HMB too late to get Noah into the program but were drawn to the community in the program (which we felt was lacking in the English program where Noah was) and of course we thought it would be incredible for Noah to become fluent in Spanish!

We had questions if it would be too much for him. Noah was at the middle of his Kindergarten class academically and this was surprising to his teacher as Noah had educated parents which set him apart from many in his class. Noah was a late bloomer and really showed no interest in learning to read or write until only this year. At his Montessori preschool they wanted to tutor him for he was already labeled "behind". Also Noah is already bilingual - would another language be overwhelming for a kid who was already not the top student?

Knowing Noah is bright and that he could do it if he was interested we decided to get Noah tutored in Spanish when we learned he may be able to switch into the Spanish program in first grade. It turned out Noah LOVED Spanish. After his first tutoring session he proudly announced at our local Taqueria that HE wanted to order. He went up and announced "Uno burrito por favor. and uno horchata". He was quickly reading basic books in Spanish and telling us what things were called in Spanish. One day he told us he was "four lingual". He said this after he sang some song he learned in an African Language, I don't know if he really knew the song or made it up but it sounded real - I guess half an hour a week of music is better than no music.

So a week or two before we were to find out if Noah got into the private school we were told that a couple spots opened in the Spanish program and that Noah could move if we wanted him to - if he passed the test to get in. His friend moved right away and we did not tell Noah but he told us how lucky she was to get to move. Most of the kids Noah played with were actually in the class he would move into. We knew Noah would be excited to move but we were not sure what to do. Putting him in the Spanish program would commit us to the public school for a few years at least - a public school which was underfunded and becoming more so.

We met with the Principal and the salesman he is, he assured us there was not too much to worry about regarding NCLB. 80% of California schools districts are said to be on probation or soon to be and there are so many schools that are doing so much worse than ours that the federal government will not be taking over our school anytime soon - they have too much on their plate - and since our school is improving their scores already he felt like teachers will continue to do what they are and the school of course is looking at ways to further improve scores.

The cut backs and class size is still an issue. There is a ballot measure in the upcoming election to pass a $150 parcel tax in our district which would raise $1.5 million dollars a year and allow us to hire back the teachers that were laid off, keeping the class sizes at 20. If it does not pass then class sizes are 30 unless plan B works which would be to have parents pay an average of $2000 or so to attend the public school. Of course this would be voluntary and half the parents can afford to pay nothing.

Well what we want most for Noah is to be happy in school and since he was excited about the class with his friends and excited about Spanish we were leaning toward that. Then we got a call from the Principal who said he just found out how little tutoring Noah had actually received and he thought that Noah was not ready and should not make the move at this point.

You know how when you can't decide something so you flip a coin and then you are so bummed at the result that you realize what you really wanted in the first place? That is what happened so Anke called, said Noah can do it and we want to make the move and that is what we did.

The second day Noah said he wanted to go back to his old class and he hates his new class. He likes to say he hates things. But he got over that and in fact his teacher said he adjusted far better than many kids to being in a class where he does not understand what is being said. Noah is reading in Spanish now. (and in English thanks to Anke who has been doing Hooked on Phonics at home with him everyday.)

Now our job is to get the ballot measure passed. It needs a 67% yes vote to pass so we have our work cut out but there is a great campaign organized which we are a part of so wish us luck. In fact, we need $125,000 to wage the campaign and we were each asked to find 20 people to give us $100. If anyone wants to donate to help save our Coastside Public Schools let me know! It could be any amount.

So much drama and this is only our first year in Kindergarten! I just met with a furious Mother today whose child got a bad grade in my class - just wait till we are on the opposite side of that conversation.

Reflection of Parenthood - Savor the Moment!

2010-03-12T13:42:00.000-08:00

gettting a pet

2010-03-01T21:53:00.000-08:00

So Noah has earned a pet. He filled his gem jar to the top - holding back from cashing in on the treats and things he could have gotten on lower levels. Instead he held out for the big reward he had wanted so bad: a pet.

Now let us be clear, we set the bar pretty low for what a pet entailed. A goldfish is the ball park we were talking. As people who are busy, broke, and like to travel, a pet is an awfully big commitment, even after we have two kids. You're not going to take your chickens or cat to Europe for the summer.

We had no idea how low we had set the bar in Noah's mind until one day he and I were in the parking lot of the library on our way to the weekly Spanish story time and we found a black furry caterpillar crawling across the asphalt. "He can be our pet! Now we don't have to buy one!" was Noah's thrilled response.

How could I argue with that. And the caterpillar was unlikely to survive in the middle of the parking lot anyway, so we were sorta rescuing it, right?

Within hours he had a home in a plastic tub that once was home to fresh mozzarella balls. The earthworm that was living in there already got evicted. Somehow the earthworm never qualified as a pet, but the caterpillar did. The earthworms are up in arms (if they had any) over the discrimination.

That afternoon my Mom and I took the kids to a local winery that has a bottle your own wine day when you bring in empty wine bottles and they fill it and re-cork it for you. Noah had his caterpillar the entire time and by the end had shown every wine maker and person in the winery his new pet. I did not hear all the conversation for my mom and I were tasting wine and I was watching Hendrik stumble around the winery like a drunk. But I did hear the Wine maker ask Noah a question many adults ask this precocious youngster after they hear him talk: "How old are you?" When Noah said six the wine maker replied "The age I started drinking wine!"

Noah ended up with some corks to add to his caterpillar habitat which already had a variety of possible foods he might like.

There was also a glass blower next door and Noah had to watch him make glass, ask some questions about the process, and show off his pet.

That evening Noah wanted to read about pets. We had checked out some books from the library - intending to have them help guide and inform our choice of pets (I had not planned on finding a pet in the library parking lot). I guess going to get the books really did help us get a pet in a very direct way.

We had one book called Great Pets! It was a pretty comprehensive list of pets one could have and info about what it takes to keep each one. Noah got excited "let's look up caterpillar's!" I had to warn him that caterpillars may not be in it, but there I was, making adult assumptions.

My Mom said skeptically "lets look in the Index". At least she could teach him a new word she figured. Caterpillars, page 43. Turns out it is official: Caterpillars are great pets!

The caterpillar after a couple days was not moving. It was clearly barely alive. It may have been a bad wipeout on the finger skateboard which Noah had him riding. It could have been being shaken by a hyper six year old in a platic container with big ass corks. It could have been the toxic plastic it was housed in. Who knows, but the poor caterpillar was saved from the parking lot only to be given a slow death by six year old boy.

I was happy to use it as an excuse to make a new 'rule'. Wild animals are not meant to be pets. We can no longer catch animals for pets. Too bad the owners of Sea World did not learn this lesson when they were six!

Noah immediately got a piece of paper and drew a large picture of the caterpillar - even having me flip it over so he could see its legs when he was drawing that part. Then he named it Tim. He asked me how to spell 'Tim'. I told him he could figure it out and he did, writing it perfectly with a capital 'T' even. Then he added an 'e' to spell 'Time' - pronounce of course how it looks: Tim-E (Timmy). He later buried him in the yard and used a little rock for his head stone.

This was not Noah's first dead invertebrate buddy. He never seemed to be too bummed at their deaths. He wanted to keep the dead bugs, they were still good pets in his view. I had already limited his animal capture program to invertebrates. We have a ton of salamanders in our yard and I did not show them to Noah until he understood that they are not to be captured.

So we are back to a pet that we will not catch from the wild.

So what kind of pet to get? If anyone has any suggestions please write a comment below. A fish cannot be held or touched - which may prevent Noah from killing it. Fish often don't live very long. But if they die you are not too attached to them like you would be a cat lets say. Tortoises, mice, hermit crabs. We need a pet that is interesting but not too much of a commitment. Something that if it gets sick you would not spend thousands taking it to the vet.

Anke and Noah saw a super loving cat from the Humane Society. They almost got it. And hearing about it I almost thought they should have. The best excuse to dodge that responsibility is Hendrik is young and cats and babies are not always the best combo. Also we live on one of the busiest streets in Half Moon Bay, next to a stop sign people constantly blow through because they are so clueless they do not even see it. Having a cat get hit by a car would be a bit more traumatic than "Time" dying.

Cloth Diaper Song

2010-02-04T12:02:00.000-08:00

check out the cloth diaper song!

Have you heard the cloth diaper song!?

Cloth diapers for the new millenium

2009-06-20T09:05:00.000-07:00

The other day I got an email from a coworker. Normally he sends me emails about concerts he is playing or other such party related info. But as his wife is now pregnant life has changed for him and he was asking about diapers. Anke has just gone through the full on cloth diaper research project so I asked her to write up some info for him and I figured I would post it here for anyone interested in giving them a try. They are great and easy and they are not like your mom's cloth diapers. The American auto industry may not be very innovative these days, perhaps all the creative design gurus have been working in the cloth diaper industry. Just like baby bottles, baby clothes, toys, etc, the environmentally and baby friendly varieties have really multiplied just in the last five years since Noah was a baby. check 'em out.

Hi there,

We decided to invest in cloth diapers, not only to hopefully save some money over the next two years of diapering but also to to reduce the diaper mountain I carry out to the garbage every week. Diapers take hundreds of years to decompose, I don't even know if they even do. Besides they waste resources. Wouldn't you rather have organic cotton next to your babies skin than plastic and gel? I know there are some pretty good alternatives out there. I like the good Earth ones, since they are made out out corn and wheat and don't have gel in them. You can get them as well as seventh Generation, which are bleached without dioxins at diapers.com shipped directly to your house without shipping if you order $50 or more and better prices than most stores.
Here are some helpful web pages to educate yourself about cloth diapering:

www.jilliansdrawers.com
This web page has a great offer. You can try cloth diapering for a month for only $10. They send you about seven different diaper systems, some pocket diapers, some all in ones, some prefolds and some fitted diapers with different covers. This way you can get an idea of what system works best for you. Then you still need to decided what brand you want to get.
I decided for simplicity reasons to go with the all in ones. We like the organic cotton factor and the one size fits all diapers.
So I decided for the Gro Baby and the Bumgenius all in one organic cotton with snaps. If anybody has any questions feel free to call me. I am not an expert since I am just starting myself. But I have tried different kinds for a month and spent a lot of time and energy researching before I made up my mind to spend $ 500 on cloth diapers. So I might be able to answer some of your questions. I ordered my diapers from this web page, I also love their customer service.

www.allaboutclothdiapers.com
I like the wet bags and bamboo wipes Lesly makes herself. Her store is in southern California. I just ordered some yesterday. I can let you know how they are, once I give them a try.

www.clothdiapersuperstore.com
On this webpage you will find anything and everything you always wanted to know and learn about cloth diapers. From how to wash them on how many to get from which brand and cloth diapering mom's advice and comment on a blog and a ton more. One of my favorites.

www.diaperpin.com
On this webpage you can find cloth diapering tips, reviews and more. I liked this side to read peoples reviews on different cloth diapers that I was deciding between to get.

Good luck with it all. I hope you can find something that works for you. What ever it is. It has to work for you and not stress you out. Because it is enough work to have a baby. With our first one we were busy enough to just be new parents we did not even have the energy to try something else.

Call me if you need advice. (415)924-8550
Anke

Fatherhood Times Two

2008-12-14T09:50:00.000-08:00

I sit hear beginning to write this blog entry with Hendrik tied in the carrier to my chest. I am bouncing on a yoga ball, my Mom is reading Noah books, and Anke is sleeping - trying to catch up after a night with a fussy baby. Speaking of which Hendrik is now fussing again so I think I will have to chose a walking around activity. More later...

Much Later, three weeks later in fact, that sums up "fatherhood times two" pretty well.

Ok not really, sure we are busy, but truth is we are LOVING parenthood the second time around. Here's the story:

First we had to actually decide to have number two. Since we never planned on number one, this took us awhile. Going from partially employed and living in our cars to parents with an apartment and neck ties was quite a shock for us. And the shocks continued from a colicky baby that screamed all night his first few months of life on through to the "three is worse than two, didn't anyone tell you?" temper tantrums galore. Of course we loved Noah but while learning to cope with him when were we to say "Gee. let's have another!"

We knew we wanted another, probably. But we were never SURE. We went through all the pros and cons. We did the pros and cons for years! they were basically as follows: pros of having a second: they will play with each other, giving us more free time (HAH); the first will not feel lonely or be spoiled as an only child; we will feel more like a family with another child in the mix; the cons: we will not have more free time as we will now have two kids to deal with; money; money (think airfare alone!); time; money; and the fact we will have to go through all of "that" again. Now the "that" was all the challenges of baby and toddler hood. Of course for the number one pro - they will play together - to be true we had to get to work sooner than later so we thought. This meant we were trying to make our decision during the terrible twos and then threes. When your toddler throws tantrums from sunrise till sundown, well let's just say that is not conducive to romance in the evening, especially not unprotected romance.

Our friends who had planned their first were busy popping out their second. We worried our window was closing if we wanted playmates. But funny enough, when the fog cleared for us, it seemed all of sudden obvious for both of us at the same time that we wanted another. This was right after our good friends Darrick and Alisa announced they were having number two (the straw that broke the camels back perhaps) and when Noah was about 3.5 years old. Of course with all our issues of schedules, sicknesses, sleepiness, etc, it took us another 6 months to have sex. And consistent with the first time, fertility seems our strong point. One weekend of romance and Hendrik was on his way. (I wish we had to try a little harder,...)

The pregnancy was easy (I say that jokingly since I did not have to be pregnant). But the fact is it was much more enjoyable for both of us since we planned it and Anke had a positive attitude about all the sacrifices she had to make. We had to pull the boxes of baby stuff out of storage and get new cribs and strollers which we had passed on since Noah no longer used them. Luckily there are so many people with extra stuff that we got tons of second (or third or fourth) hand gear given to us.

The final weeks of the pregnancy were the hardest since this was when Anke was the most uncomfortable. And we were playing the waiting game. I was "on call" so I was on a shorter leash than usual, despite trying to squeeze in a last surf or night out dancing before those things got even harder to schedule.

We were mentally ready and just went on waiting. Hendrik was due around election day. So there was a lot on our minds. Anke one day broke down and cried. "I wish Hendrik wasn't due on the election day! What if he is born and McCain wins the election! It will be the happiest day for us and the saddest day for the rest of the world." I assured her that Obama was most likely gonna win. With a baby coming into this world it did put a defining significance on the outcome of the election. As Anke requested we put into our birth plan that if we were in the hospital on election day no one was allowed to talk about the election.

As it turned out Anke's body held out until November 5th. In the evening she told me she thought it was happening. I packed our food and packed the car and then we decided to try and sleep some. Of course we laid down for a few minutes and Anke said we would not be sleeping. Her contractions were like 7 minutes apart so we called the hospital and Vicky, our dula. Vicky said to call her when we got to the hospital and the hospital said it was a bit early to come in. We had talked about laboring at home for awhile but now that it was happening, Anke just wanted to get to the hospital. The contractions were strong and each one was a minute closer together. Just as I was talking to the nurse in the hospital they went from 7 to 6 and maybe even to 5 minutes apart. Anke insisted I call Vicky too and have her come to the hospital ASAP.

Anke was in labor for about 15 hours with Noah but she had a sense things were moving more quickly this time, which is typical of the second baby. We got to the hospital about 10:30 and were in a room by 11pm.

Anke had wanted to labor in a pool so we rented a pool that you can set up yourself in the hospital room, which is allowed at Marin General. She wished she had had it the first time around as we ended up spending long hours in the shower, not as nice as a tub. It was my job to set the thing up.

Anke was laboring and Vicky was with her doing the breathing and all. I could not attach the hose to the faucet and ended up struggling with duck tape and had to actually fill it slower than usual and hold the hose manually to the faucet. As I struggled for an hour with the tub I joked to everyone that this was simply a ploy to keep the husband busy and out of the way.

Before the tub was even full Anke was ready to push! I went over and the nurse asked if I wanted to catch the baby. Before I could answer "uh, not really" she said go wash your hands and take off your ring. I did and then she told me to put my arms down. Anke was leaning over the bed and sorta squatting. As soon as my arms were there Hendrik came flying out unexpectedly. The nurse wasn't even ready to catch. Hendrik flew into my arms, luckily, and as soon as I caught him I was glad I did. It puled me right into the experience in a big way and the frustration that had built up in me over the struggles with the tub instantly vanished.

Wow! The miracle of life! Hendrik was born at 1:15 AM on November 6th. We were the only ones having a baby that night so we had all sorts of special treatment. We got to keep Hendrik with us and give him a bath ourselves to clean him up. We opted to do this without any soaps or anything that would be harsh on his fresh little skin. While the midwife sewed Anke up from her tear we all stood around Anke and the baby and actually did talk about the election. It came up organically and since the outcome was a good one Anke did not seem to mind. The mid wife struggled with the stitching, switching needles multiple times, but eventually got it right.

Since I knew Hendrik was gonna be born around the election I emailed friends around the world to grab front pages of newspapers announcing Obama's victory so I can make Hendrik a scrap book. Most of the news reported the election results on the 6th which is his actual birthday. I received papers from Brasil, South Africa, Norway, Germany, England, Canada, Costa Rica, and Indonesia.

In the hospital room with Hendrik comfortably held in one hand I got some apple juice for Anke out of the fridge and poured her a glass. As I did this I thought to myself that this was definitely the second child of mine! The first one seemed so fragile and you need to learn how to hold it, change its diapers, breast feed it (well the mom needs to learn that obviously). But the second one, well just throw him over your forearm and go about your business.

We have definitely been much different parents the second time around. Everything is just easier plus we are truly enjoying each moment as we know how precious and fleeting they are. And Hendrik is an easier baby as well. He is way mellower than Noah and he sleeps at night, or at least he does not scream all night like Noah did. It is interesting to see the personality of Hendrik and how different he is. Noah was a screamer, he would scream at night, scream in the car seat, and he grew up to be VERY strong willed and challenging. He tests the limits and does things HIS way and when he can't he makes his objections heard. Of course he is a fantastic guy, super fun, outgoing, and loving, he just has a strong personality. Hendrik is already different. Rarely fussing at all, just a mellow content little dude.

Second time around we have all the decisions to make again. There are the big questions: vaccinations - get 'em or not, if so which ones are really the important ones; developing a napping schedule, getting him to sleep through the night; what kind of diapers to use - disposable, compostable, reusable; what kind of bottles to use - which system works best, which nipples does Hendrik like, which is the healthiest choice? etc, etc.

It is amazing how much has changed in five years. When we had Noah we had to get glass baby bottles from Germany in order to avoid the toxic plastic baby bottles here. (Europe banned the toxic chemicals that are in plastic from children's toys and bottles 10 years ago and here in the US they are only just getting around to making those laws) Now you can buy a number of brands of baby bottles here in the US that are made from glass or from plastic that is at least free of BPA, one of the bad chemicals. In fact we had to buy many different brands before we found the one that worked best for us. Also for Noah we had to buy organic baby clothes in Europe or at the Green festival here is SF. Now they have organic baby clothes at Babies R Us, the Gap, etc. In just five years baby stuff has become less toxic and more environmentally friendly, we are behind Europe but at least we are making progress.

So it is now April Fools Day and I am going to wrap up this blog. People ask how two kids impacts your life. Well it has been a joy as we are enjoying Hendrik who is now laughing and smiling and sleeping 11.5 hours at night. (the KEY to getting them to sleep: a regular schedule! Anke got Hendrik on a regular nap schedule at three months and soon he was sleeping all night, more on that later) But as far as time goes. With one child I surfed at least once a week, often two times a week. With two I have been surfing once a month!!!!! And that is my only exercise right now, well besides an occasional couple hours dancing. So free time is zilch. But that will gradually come back.

And Noah is a very proud big brother. He tells people about his baby all the time. He always checks in with Hendrik, gives him hugs and kisses, he really loves him a lot. At first he was extra needy for attention and he acted out a bit but that has seemed to stop and things are normalized a bit. As Hendrik begins to interact with us more I am sure Noah will even be more interested in him.

learning to talk, learning the rules, we are all learning

2008-11-21T11:09:00.000-08:00

Noah's cousin Mason: "Why is your penis so small?"
Noah : "Mine's not small! Yours is small"
Mason : "no, yours is small, mine is big."
Noah : "no, mine is bigger than yours."
This conversation continued, with the four parents sitting in disbelief, holding in their laughter, until both boys had whipped it out to prove whose was bigger. I have no idea where this all came from. Is it just the instinctive male ego? Something they learned in school? Wherever it came from it was one of those classic moments of comedy that never seem to end in the life of a toddler. This conversation happened when Noah was three, not long after he had began talking. It was one of his first "conversations".
Out of all the changes toddlers go through the most significant is the ability to talk. As a father this development has made things much more fun, interesting, and challenging. It is amazing what little kids come up with. The questions, funny comments, and incredible insight into the world around them. And once they talk you can really understand who this little person is.

One of the challenging parts is of course having to answer a million questions or sometimes the same question a million times. For a while Noah's question was "What's that noise?" He would ask this about EVERY sound he heard. And then of course the ultimate question "why?"
One time after fielding a million why questions I thought I would end the cycle by explaining to him that it isn't always possible to answer the question "why" to which he responded: "why?" The other spin on that he has done more recently is to make some statement like "monkeys sure are silly" and then when I agree with him for conversation sake and say "Yeah, they are" he follows with "Why?, Why are they silly?" And of course then I find myself having to explain something that he said that I may or may not even understand but that I agreed with just to be agreeable.
Of course the funny things Noah has said are endless. I wish I could have them all recorded. Noah is a talker, he can't even stop talking long enough to brush his teeth. And he is a total goof ball, he loves to be goofy and make people laugh. And of course trying to quote him here does not do him justice. But a couple off the top of my head:
Of course lately he has been into poop jokes. The other day we were saying what we were thankful for and he said "I am thankful for my daddy because he plays with me, for my mommy because she reads to me, my baby brother because he cries a lot, and my grandma because she poops a lot".
One of the funniest things he said , not trying to be funny at all, was one night when he woke up from a nightmare. He was screaming and I went in to calm in down. He rarely talks about his nightmares so I do not really know what they are about. But his time he was unusually upset. It must have been something bad. When he calmed down a bit he told me he had a nightmare. Then he said it was a REALLY BAD one. he then went on to tell me what it was. I was a little worried about how disturbing it might be based on the fact this was the first time he said a nightmare was REALLY BAD. He said " I dreamt that my ice cream fell in the fire!!!" Oh the innocence of a child!
One day while we were talking about Anke's pregnancy Noah said "what if she had 17 babies in her belly, their feet would be coming out her mouth"
Or the time he was with my mom and they looked at a piece of bark that had been engraved by beetles. Noah asked what was written on the bark and when my mom told him that no one wrote it, that beetles had made those marks he said surprised "I didn't know beetles could write!"

And of course the insight of children is incredible as is their attention to the tiniest detail. Noah will get down on his hands and knees to observe an ant, talking to it, and will be totally enthralled and in love with the living thing in front of him. One of the things he said when he first started talking that I remember was when he looked at a spider building a web and said "That spider sure is a hard worker". It seems simple now but at the time it was one of the first windows I had into his ability to express original thoughts.

Of course another aspect of language is trying to get explanations for everything as little kids are constantly trying to figure out how the world works. The other day we were parked in front of a church and he saw a statue of Jesus on the front. He said "look there is God, we are sad for God" I asked why and he said "because God is dead". I told him that lots of people believe God is alive. Noah said "but we cannot see him". So then I said lots of people believe that God is in everything. So Noah said "you mean the bird flying in the sky is God?" I said yeah and then that really got him going. For half an hour he talked about all the places where god was. When we got out of the car he said the concrete was god, the car was god, and that we lived in God's belly because our house was God.
He is also old enough to have discussions with his friends. I had stickers for "no on prop 8" the gay marriage ban. Noah, of course loves stickers and wanted some. I told him they meant everyone could marry whoever they want to marry as long as they were adults and both people wanted to marry each other. He told me his friend Jackson says only boys and girls can get married. So he other day when he went to school he saw a "no on prop 8" sticker in my car and realizing he did not have his he asked if he could wear mine. When I put it on him as I dropped him off at school he wanted to make sure it was in a place where Jackson could see it.

Also in the past year Noah's sphere of influence has grown greatly from that of basically what he has learned from us around home to what the rest of the world has to teach him. His exposure to things outside of our influence and his awareness of such things are another factor making parenting increasingly fun, interesting, and challenging. We have done our best to delay his exposure to the ever present evils in our society such as television, sugar, and violence, however slowly Noah is discovering these things as he expands his life experiences.

It can be a mean cruel world out there and seeing your child learn this lesson is a hard thing as a father. On the playground this lesson is learned fairly early on and it was a tough one for Noah. Imagine your first year or more of life everyone is nice to you and then all of a sudden, while blissfully playing with a shovel in the sand box, a mean older boy comes up, pushes you down, and takes your shovel. When something like this happened Noah was so crushed! As a parent you learn to identify different cries of your child like Hawaiians can identify different types of rain or the Inuit with snow. When Noah is confronted with intentional meanness he busts out his sobbing that he reserved for when he is truly upset.
One time he took this to a funny extreme. He was playing at the beach with a friend and Noah was running with a rope. His friend was chasing the rope and Noah was loving the game until his friend grabbed the rope and ran the other way with it, pulling it out of Noah's hand and taking off with it. Noah was so crushed that he began his deep sobs. His chest was heaving so heavily that he looked up and just fell over completely backwards into the wet sand where he continued to sob.
One day during a party at our house I saw Noah come out of the bedroom with the look of fear on his face. He walked into the kitchen and collapsed. I picked him up and he was unconscious with his eyes rolled back in his head. THAT is the worst moment as a father! I screamed call 911 and the party froze. Turns out after much detective work we figured Noah had been knocked by another kid and probably had the air knocked out of him. This upset and scared him to the point where he cried so hard that he could not breath and passed out.
Another cruel moment which made him bust out his sob happened one afternoon at an outdoor festival in Sausalito. It was dinner time and we were planning to go get something for Noah to eat soon. There was a group of adults near us who had some Oreo cookies. I don't think we had ever given Noah an Oreo so when these people did, he was of course thrilled to discover such a delicious food. Then they gave him another one. While not giving Noah such things ourselves, we have never wanted to deny him from having something if the opportunity arose. Especially if another kid his age has something, we don't want to increase his desire to have something by not letting him have it. We simply try to limit how much he gets. So after the second cookie I tell Noah that it is his last one. Not only does he not eat sugar but it is dinner time and I want him to eat something healthy. Then the people call him over and give him another one! So I remind him that I told him he could only have two and I took the cookie away. He was of course bummed. But what made matters worse was that all the adults who were giving him cookies looked at him and said "oh what a MEAN daddy! He won't let you have another cookie! What a bad mean daddy! He takes a cookie form his own son!..." well this was all too much for Noah and he lost it. The adults even continued on, one lady showing Noah cookies and telling him that she would give him one but his mean daddy wouldn't let her. This ended when I turned MEAN on them and told the lady to stop pushing sugar on my kid.
Sugar creates many such situations. Usually well meaning adults will offer Noah a treat and ask me "can he have one?" Noah's eyes look up to me for my answer. Of course I don't want to say no and crush Noah's little heart so usually I say yes and reassure myself with the standard, well at least he doesn't eat this everyday like most kids. But sometimes I have to say no and this is such a hard thing for Noah to understand. It tastes soooo good and he wants one soo bad and can't possible understand the reasons why I would deny him this pleasure. 'You can't always get what you want' is one of those lessons that is painful to teach a little kid but at the same time one of those lessons that you know you are better off in the long run the sooner you teach it. And in our society you have to constantly deny kids of things they want. Imagine a trip to the grocery store. All the candy in his face, toys, balloons, etc.
Lots of places we went in Europe had carousels. Well naturally Noah wanted to ride them but we didn't want him to expect that every time you see something like that you get to ride it. Same with those big jumpy things they have at places like the farmers market. Or pony rides. Of course I want Noah to experience things like that but I wanted to make sure that he doesn't come to expect that every time he sees something he can have it or do it. For many things it is simply postponing his knowledge that such things exist. Candy is a good example. We never introduced him to candy. Of course somewhere along the line he has learned what it is. Luckily the candy fairy visits our house after a candyful event.
After Halloween, b-days with pinatas, and parades where people throw candy Noah ends up with a bag full of candy. We told Noah that the candy fairy likes to protect little boys and girls from eating too much candy (which will give you a tummy ache and holes in your teeth) so she comes and takes the extra candy to fairy land. Noah is allowed by the candy fairy to keep one piece of candy for each year he is old. He has fun picking out the ones he wants and loves the pictures of the candy fairy that is left in place of the candy as well as the little toy she gives as a thank you gift.
One day after Noah's speech therapy class his teacher gave out lolly pops to the other two students. Then she asked me if Noah could have one following up with "I wouldn't want to give him one if the parents didn't want me to." What a set up! Noah's mouth is watering for that lolly pop and now I am put on the spot. My reply to her was " Well I don't want him to have one, but I don't really have much choice in the matter at this point."
Of course it is not like I don't ever say "no" to Noah but you have to pick your fights. When the two other kids are sucking on their lolly pops that the teacher gave them for being good in class, how could I tell Noah he can't have one. At least on that day over that lolly pop I was not gonna go there. And that has been one of the biggest lessons of discipline for me, knowing when to go there and when not to. It is SO difficult because you are being tested EVERY day on how you will react to different situations. Kids are like lawyers and they always have the parents on the stand. And they can be harsh interrogators let me tell you. And no matter how tired you are, sick you are, whatever your mood, you are always under oath. Whatever you say can and will be used against you.
Consistency to me is one of the most important factors in discipline. Kids are constantly testing the boundaries to figure out what is and is not acceptable. Kids need to know there are boundaries and look towards adults to set those. But it isn't like they just accept the ones you set. Their job in life seems to be to constantly try and manipulate those boundaries and continue to test them as if they are checking for weak spots that may have developed. And being a parent is so much different than dealing with other people's kids. I always thought that I was good at discipline while teaching. But children reserve most aggressive boundary testing for their own parents. Of course kids are all different. Noah is VERY strong willed and is a tester. When he is sick or in a bad mood boy, he will fight against everything! The good thing for us to remember is that it is all just a phase.
After Noah turned two he had the classic terrible two stretch for about 6 weeks. We thought "oh my god our kid has turned out to be a nightmare. What did we do wrong? Maybe there is something wrong with him?" From the time he woke up till he went to bed EVERYTHING was a struggle - you would have to hold him down to dress him or put him the car seat. During those struggles we would wonder what we should do. Should be establish our role as the ones in control and force him to wear clothes? Or will he struggle more the more we push our dominance on him and should we just relax and let him do what he wants - like going to school in his pajamas?
After those six weeks were up he turned back into the angle we know as Noah and was mostly good again. Occasionally he would turn into a monster and we would think those same thoughts about him being like that forever and then we would realize he was sick or hungry or something and he was just in a pissy mood. Then after his third birthday he had another month long stretch of being a total pain in the ass. We thought we were done with the terrible twos and only then did all the parents we know start saying "Oh yeah, the threes were way worse than the twos". "Great" we thought. But the phase passed and Noah returned to his old self. Then after he turned four he did it again. Fighting everything. It was only then that people told us, "Oh yeah, Four is a repeat of Two". Great the return of the terrible twos only now the child is more articulate and highly adept at drawing you into an argument and they are stronger so the chances of holding them down to get them dressed without someone getting injured are slim.
So what is the strategy to dealing with the monster child phase?
There have been stretches (more so than not it seems) when every morning is a challenge to get him dressed. Of course for every kid I am sure different things work. Some kids are pleasures and do things to make their parents happy. That is not Noah. Giving him some power over the situation helped a bit, making him feel like he had a choice in the matter. Rather than telling him he had to eat broccoli we might ask, do you want cucumber or broccoli? And for a while he would fight eating breakfast so we gave him the power to pour his own cereal and milk.
Now that he is five I gotta say he fights a lot less on these every day things. He is still VERY STRONG WILLED so we are never free of struggle completely. A good day is when he only fights us on a few things.
We have, however, developed some very successful strategies that work with him. One is making things a game. He loves to play. For a while we began "doing the opposites". Which plays into his character so well. This game is simple. I would simply say the opposite of what I wanted him to do like "don't put on your shirt" and then he would eagerly put on his shirt, doing the opposite of what I said. It is truly amazing how well this game worked. It pretty much had 100% success rate. Usually he would ask to play. "Let's do the opposite!" he would say. That game gave way to a newer game of us pretending like we don't think he will do what we want. So we would say "I am gonna go into the kitchen and when I come back I don't think Noah is gonna have taken off his clothes". Then when we come in and see that he completed the task we act surprised. The third game is the standard race. " let's see if you can put your shoes on before me."
These games work so well for the every day things that used to be struggles. But ultimately when Noah does not want to do something threatening him with a consequence is really the only thing that works for me. This is unfortunate because I feel like it is a pretty negative way to discipline. But asking him nicely just doesn't work. Noah is very strong willed and will push back against anything you want until you give him the "If you do not stop playing and come brush your teeth (whatever it is you are playing with) will get taken away." In the beginning of course he would test to see if we would follow through with the consequence which I always did. This is another time when you have to be careful what you say under oath! If you say you will give a consequence but then realize that enforcing the consequence is gonna cause a horrible reaction that you did not really want to deal with. Well keeping to your word is KEY so the best thing to do is to remember next time not to make threats you do not want to keep!
I also would always give him a count down. I would count down from 5 or 10 and this worked 99% of the time without even having to threaten a consequence. It is an interesting study in psychology. I could ask him to come to the bathroom ten different ways but not until he had a deadline would he do it.
So back to the follow through. I think this is one of the most important parts of discipline. Kids gotta learn that you follow through with what you say. The flip side of this is not to say things you do not want to follow through with. If you need to do your grocery shopping don't say you will leave the store if the kids behavior does not change. If you do not want to deal with the breakdown when they get denied the candy they want then you may need to think of a good excuse why they can have it. Sometimes I am in this situation so I will let him know that even though today is special and he gets to pick a piece of candy that this is not something we usually do. One example was the other day when we were at a party and he wanted some soda. I told him he could have some for desert. When I went to pour it he noticed there were cookies. He told me he did not want soda anymore because he wanted a cookie. Of course after the cookie he wanted soda. Rather than push the issue I told him he could try a little soda.
He has learned the desert lesson pretty well. One day we were going to a birthday party in the afternoon. At the playground a friend offered him a brownie. He said he did not want one but was obviously sad about it. Finally he told me he wanted one but he knew if he had one that meant he could not have birthday cake later that day. How could I not bend the rules for the guy, so I told him he could have two deserts that day and praised him for remembering the rules.
Anoher factor in all this is that the struggle and temper tantrums are usually more about mood and general programming than the actual thing they are fighting for. I have discovered this before when Noah will break down over the idea of not gettiing something he wants. So I give in to avoid total meltdown and say OK, this is howyou ask nicely, show me you can and I will let you do it... Then two minutes later he ends up melting down anyway over something else. So if the meltdown is coming it is coming and trying to avoid it is a poor reason to go against what you said. And the other side to that is we found often after Noah had a big break down and cry that he was actually much happier and better behaved after getting whatever it was that was makeing him feel bad off his chest.
That is one other lesson we learned: let them cry! Don't distract kids when they need to cry with jokes or candy. Crying is a way to flush out the bad feelings and start clean.

Now as the discipline thing is a struggle and it is hard to know what to do at each stage. Finding the right balance between empowering the kids and giving them limits and rules. Giving up your own expectations that say they will not want to pretend everything is a gun and shoot everything in sight or that they will follow the wise advice of their parents. Kids are kids and while we can guide them and give them tools, they are in control of much of their own destiny, this is a strange thing to come to terms with as a parent.

Now as those are the struggles the joys are also profound and bountiful. Noah is such an amazing observer of the world around him and it is wonderful to see him notice little details in nature and talk about things he learned like how bats echo locate their prey or how the dead bird we see will turn to soil. (oh that was a funny thing he said one day when he was 3 or 4 years old - he saw a guy smoking a cigarrete and he said "that guy cigarretting will die and decompose and become grass". I thought to myself - 'I taught him well') His fascination, love, and eagerness to learn about nature is one of my favorite things about Noah since I love nature too. I think most kids have this in them naturaly - makes sense since we eveoved over millions of years to be part of nature. I think I will make kids in nature a seperate patherhood blog.

Another aspect of Noah which has come out sonce he learned to talk is his (as all young kids) incredible imagination! This is also something that is refreshing as an adult and something we could learn from. They think outsid ethe box for the simple fact they have not been put in the box yet. For awhile Noah talked about his rocket. It was parked in a volcanoe in Costa Rica and he used to to travel around this world and into space. He even used it to travel to a parrallel universe where there was an exact copy of everything and everyone here. He loves fishing and this past summer he was able to fish all on his own is the stanislaus river where he used a spinning real with a fly and bobber to catch a trout. He was very proud that it was his first "fish he caught on a fly!" But going back to his imagination, he is just as happy fishingn with a stick and a string with any hook or bait and for him catching a bit of seaweed is an exciting event worth celebrating!

Definitely the joy and enthusiasm with which children, especially Noah, have towards pretty simple everyday things is another very wonderful gift kids can bring to the table. Just as Noah is strong willed and expresses his opinions; his sense of joy, adventure, and outgoingness are equally strong and expressed. He is a shining star amougn a group of kids his age and if you take him to a party he becomes the life of the party. He will run with the kids for awile, then sit down and strike up a 20 minute conversation with some adults. It is amazing how he chats it up with adults. Adults always come up to me to tell me how incredible Noah is after talking with him. I have seen him interupt our neighbor's bocci game they were playing during a "double date". Noah stopped the game and had the four adults laughing out loud for 20 minutes. I love how social Noah is and how you can really see the joy radiating form him. I have worked in a number of kindergarden and preschool classes since having Noah and I am always amazed at how dull and almost depressed the majority of the kids look. Few exude the confidence and joyfulness that Noah does.

Ok, I think I will stop now, there is so much more to talk about but I will try to write these thoughts in shorter separate essays.

peace

fatherhood down under, 22 months

2008-09-22T21:19:00.001-07:00

Dear Friends and Family,
G'Day from Down Under. I have been planning to write my next fatherhood letter since last December and planning to write a letter about our trip here in Australia since the first day of our trip (we have two days left before heading home) so I figured I had better knock off both letters in one go or risk procrastinating even longer. I suppose the length of time it has taken me to getting around to writing these letters gives you some clue as to how fatherhood and vacation are treating me, they are both keeping me busy. Or more correctly fatherhood is keeping me busy. For despite the fact we are on vacation, spending most of our 6 weeks here camped out on beautiful wild beaches with nothing much do other than play in the ocean, explore the beaches, collect shells, read, eat, sleep, bird watch, etc, I find that I have very little time to do much since Noah is actually the one doing all the things I just mentioned and it is allAnke and I can do to tag along and supervise, making sure he doesn't get swept away by a wave, sliced by the oy sters in the tide pools, eaten by a dingo, lost in the jungle, ran over in the skate park, fall off a cliff, tangled in a fishing line, you get the point.

Noah is extremely curious about everything and fearless due to the fact that he has no idea how dangerous things are. His innocence is refreshing but tiring. For even though we have taken a vacation from our lives back home and haven't had to "work" a day in the past month and a half, there is no vacation from our real job these days, that of being a parent.

Traveling with Noah who is 22 months old has been an adventure. I spent years traveling without ANY responsibilities so it is a very different experience for me. In the old days I actually had time to surf 7 hours a day, create art, go for long walks on the beach, not only read books but write books. NowAnke and I each get about an hour and half of surfing in in a day and occasionally we sneak in a short walk or an hour of reading. Every once in a while I would notice that Anke and I were both sitting down at the same time because Noah was engaged in some activity which didn't require close supervision and I would callAnke's attention to it "hey look, a 'relaxing moment', take a breath and enjoy it!" I'd say.

Of course that is just how it is as parents, I am not complaining about it, just making an observation. Those who are parents can relate and those who are not, be warned: enjoy your 'relaxing moments' while they are plentiful.

The flip side to this is that while we have lacked the relaxing aspects many associate with vacation we have had a ton of quality time as a family and especially as parents watching our little boy discover the world. I wouldn't trade the look on Noah's face when he saw a kangaroo, or the times he asked in sign language for 'more' when he saw the dolphins surfing, or when he laughed so loud at the skater who ate shit at the skate park that everyone else watching laughed too, I wouldn't trade any of these moments and the thousands more we have had, for any amount of 'relaxing moments'. For all the hard work and sacrifice that fatherhood requires, it is the most rewarding and amazing thing anyone could ever do.

Many people have been impressed and inspired by the fact that we are traveling with a 22 month old baby. Of course we aren't the only people to ever travel with kids but I suppose for many people who met us we were a reminder to them that there is "life after birth".

How to summarize Noah's development over the last 8 months? That is a third of his short life. And what a life it has been. For him I suppose it has been the time of "firsts". There are the standard firsts like the first step (he was 14 months old), first tooth, or his first words (mama and ball). And then there are the million other firsts; first scraped knee, first trip to the emergency room(after eating a wild mushroom), first ice cream, first chore around the house (throwing his dirty diaper into the diaper bin), the first time he laughed at his own fart, first time he surfed, etc. He has been later than the average child when it comes to many firsts like crawling, walking, and talking. He still doesn't talk but is playing with his voice and he understands everything we say in both English and German. The poor guy must be so frustrated about not being understood. His vocabulary has increased to about 6 words:heis (hot), deses (this), papa, nana (banana), and uh,oh!

It is very interesting to watch him learn. He is so observant that many times he does something and you wonder how he knows how to do it. The first time he picked up a baseball bat, for example, he knew how to hold it and was able to hit a ball thrown to him. He did this without ever being shown but he had learned it by watching us play wiffle ball when he was a little baby. I don't know who he ever saw playing basket ball but the first time he got his hands on one he gave it to us and pointed to the hoop. When he tried to shoot it he had the perfect form all the way to the point of snapping his wrist down at the end of the shot. In Australia we stayed with a friend who played the didgeridoo. Noah was so impressed that every stick he could find after wards he would put to his mouth and makedidge noises. I found a cardboard tube which we gave to him as his own didge and it only took me one time showing him to vibrate his lips instead of humming for him to learn how to do it more correctly. It is just amazing how fast kids can learn things and how observant they are.

One of the main ways kids learn is through imitation. Noah is the king of this, generally copying everything he sees. If I walk all goofy, Noah will walk the same way. After seeing us surf he began running around the beach paddling with his arms and when he saw me duck dive he would duck himself down, copying the motion. After watching the guys at the skate park he gets on a skate board and tries to do tricks. We stayed with a four year old named Jasper on our vacation. Jasper was in a spider man phase and the day we got to his house he would run up to the kitchen sink and jump like spider man grabbing on to the sink with his feet on the cupboard below. Of course it only took Noah a few second before he was running and throwing himself against the cabinets and hanging from the sink. For the rest of the trip after that Noah would hang like spider man from anything he could find. The first time Noah saw a kangaroo on our trip he started to hop around. One day he picked up a leash of a dog (with the dog attached), slipped his handth rough the loop, and started walking the dog. The owner of the dog assumed he had a dog of his own because he knew how to hold the leash but actually he had just learned by watching. The tendency to imitate can be amusing. One day while Noah was eating yogurt he saw me putting lotion on my face. He immediately took a handful of yogurt and began rubbing it all over his face.

Once you see what sponges little kids are and how much they copy what they see others doing it makes you think about what you do and how you act in front of them. Imagine parents who fight in front of their kids, or smoke, or whatever, those kids will naturally want to act like them. And anyone who thinks violent video games and television shows don't effect how kids (and eventually adults) act I recon is just dead wrong. Kids copy what they see and with the level of violence they see these days in games and entertainment, well it is a challenging issue facing all of us who are parents in this culture today. One of many.

It is interesting how you look at the world a little differently as a parent. All my life I thought, "well if I was a parent I would do things this way.." But now that it is a reality and not hypothetical it is a different story. Until you have a little kid of your own running around you can't comprehend how you much you will worry or imagine what you would do in a particular situation. Of course most of the tough situations we will have to deal with are in the future, but I am beginning to think more about how I will do things.
Discipline is one of those things that as a parent you must do (or not if you want a tyrant). It has been hard so far because Noah doesn't even talk. I am good with discipline when you can reason with a kid and explain to him how his actions will bring about consequences but with Noah that isn't so easy. When we first started to use the word "no" we came upon the fact that kids are programmed to test and push the limits of what they can get away with. I come from a strict school of discipline (that of my Mother's). The basic premise of this is that once a parent says something there is nothing the child can do to change their mind. No amount of crying, screaming, or temper tantrums can allow the child to get what they want. It seems like simple logic, as soon as you give in once they know they can do it again and you are just encouraging the behavior which forced you to give in. Simple in principle but when your kid is screaming and being persuasive it is possible to see why parents do give in.

But Anke and are a both on the same page and we will get through the tantrums to have a well behaved kid (we hope). The funniest failure so far in the area of discipline has been the use of the stern "NO!" when Noah does something wrong. Any time we tell Noah "NO" with a really deep angry voice he thinks it is the funniest thing and starts laughing hysterically. The madder we try to sound the funnier it is to him. Of course as soon as he laughs it is all we can do to keep from laughing as well.

Although Noah isn't talking yet he is very good at communicating what he wants with a variety of sign language (much of which he invented), gestures and noises. With his tugs on the pants, pointing, and pushing around he can even direct a total stranger into a variety of activities. Inevitably the stranger will come to us to ask what a certain sign means that he keeps doing over and over again and we always explain to them that he is doing the sign for "more".

He does have one question that he can ask verbally and that is "Mama?, Mama?" On the trip he asked this question constantly to which I would respond with one of three answers: "Mama is sleeping.", "Mama is surfing.", or "Mama is making kaka".

Two of the most precious things about hanging out with such a young person is that he gets excited by the littlest things that we older people often overlook and that he lacks the prejudices that are taught to us by society. An ant crawling along the ground can get Noah sooo excited. If he sees one he will point and yell and jump, barely able to control his excitement. In fact all animals get him excited, it doesn't matter if it is a pigeon or an eagle, a cockroach or a butterfly, they are all fantastic, exciting creatures in his mind. The other morning we were hanging out in our bus when a fly began buzzing around. Noah got all excited and was pointing to his hand saying he wanted the fly to come land on him. He was pointing and laughing and so full of excitement. The fly finally did land on his hand and he squealed with joy and then began signing for more. While he was entertained by the fly I considered really making his day and rubbing him with some raw meat and putting him out where he would be covered with flies. Of course I wouldn't have done it, no one wants their kids covered with flies, unless they are butterflies of course, or some other socially accepted insect.

Traveling in a foreign country is a good way for adults to regain some of that childhood amazement about the world. People in Australia could tell we were the tourists because we were the ones pulled over at the side of the road to watch the kangaroos. So many things were new and different to us and being in the travel mode we were paying more attention to everything so we did notice the little details often overlooked. It would be difficult to recount to you all the incredible things we saw.

We camped on countless spactacular white sand beaches with rocky headlands, sand dunes, river mouths, forests, crystal clear water, surfing dolphins, jumping whales, bouncing kangaroos, giant bats, and a TON of noisy birds of every shape, size, and color imaginable. We saw many quiet little beach towns, a few busy cites, met lots of super nice people and made some really good friends. The locals were very nice, which isn't always the case where surfers are concerned. In fact we talked about keeping track of some of the quotes we got from locals while surfing, such as "Oh, your new here? Well let me tell you how this spot works." or "You can have all the set waves." And unfortunatley the thing we heard the most of "You should have been here yesterday!"

If I had to pick a favorite moment from the trip to share I would say it would have to be surfing with the dolphins at Angourie. A famous surf spot surrounded by an incredible national park, Angourie was featured in my all time favorite surf movie; the 70's classic: Morning Of The Earth. We camped (illegally) in the park overlooking the spot and woke up in the morning to a surprise swell. Surfing midday, there were less than 10 of us out in the overhead waves that were peeling perfectly down the rocky shore. At one point a large set came and in the approaching swell were 4 dolphins coming right at us. I wanted to ride that wave with them but failed to catch the wave. Two more waves came, both with dolphins, both I missed.

The last wave of the set approached, this one was mine, but could I be so lucky that there were still more dolphins... Yes. they were there. I turned and caught what was one of the best waves of the day. Thinking about the wave and the dolphins, the fact that I was taking off right next to the rocks didn't enter my mind. At one point in my ride as I carved on the bowling face of the wave a dolphin jumped out of the wave in front of me. The two of us were in the flow of the wave and he continued to jump out of the wall in front of me as I surfed along the face. I noticed a huge smile on one guy who was paddling back out and watching the whole thing happen. Finally he did one last jump as I came flying out onto the shoulder where I did a big carve bringing me right in line with the three or four dolphins surfing just a foot below me. I continued my cutback, passing over them and watching them under me, all of us in the same flow, the same rhythm, all of us enjoying the energy of the ocean and the joy of riding a wave. Paddling back out I looked up on the grassy headland and saw an osprey perched on a branch next to his nest. Needless to say I was feeling alive.

The trip was awsome, of course we had challenges, and at times were frustrated that things didn't go our way, but no adventure can be perfect. If it was it wouldn't be an adventure. A few of the more difficult moments on the trip (the first two weeks of non-stop rain, or a broken down bus with-in 2 hours of owning it) gave me some better understanding of the attractiveness of going on a tour or to a resort where everything is done for you, where, if something goes wrong someone will fix the problem for you. But luckily we preffer adventure. So we weathered the storms, met the challenges, and had an incredible trip as a family. We are now looking forward to our future adventures when Noah will be older and able to get even more out of the experience of traveling.

13 months

2008-09-22T19:31:00.000-07:00

Hi y'all,
Yes, I am still a father. I guess that is one of those conditions that never goes away. Thank God! As challenging as the life changes may be, being a father is definitely life's best adventure. Noah Lee is an incredible source of joy and a constant reminder of the miracle of life. In a time of horrific war and a depressing political situation these things are especially important. The name Noah means "the bringer of peace" in Hebrew and that is exactly what he is for me. No matter how bad a day I have with the kids at school or how sad I am after listening to the news, time with Noah will be sure to put a smile on my face and happiness in my heart.

The last time I wrote about being a father I probably described Noah as a baby. Well those days are forever gone. At thirteen months he is all of sudden a little boy! I can't say when it happened but it seems to have happened over night. Noah isn't walking or talking yet but he is very mobile and tries his best to communicate. Without language skills he over uses his loud scream as a form of communication but that will pass when his stupid parents learn to understand what he is saying. He understands much of what we say and he knows a little sign language. He can sign "swing" and "airplane" but by far his favorite sign is "eat". He uses this one often and with his appetite it is no surprise. Something he definitely has in common with his Papa.

Not walking doesn't stop him from exploring as far away from his parents as we let him go. He will cover every inch of a playground or beach. Climbing up the play structures and launching himself superman style down the slides. As he doesn't really understand much about gravity and other things of importance, we keep a watchful eye on him and spot him when he gains altitude. But he is slowly learning the ups and downs of going up and down. The other day he was wearing faster clothes than usual and supermanned himself off the slide face first. As I held the screaming babe and picked wood chips out of his mouth I noticed the other moms at the playground were looking at me a little funny. I guess I probably confirmed their fears of what happens when it is their husbands' turn to watch the kids. Everything is a learning experience, since then he has begun to turn around and slide down feet first.

It is amazing how fast he learns and how eager he is to figure things out. Anything Anke or I do he will try to copy. If we were to take the lid off a jar and put it back on and then give them to him he would sit for ages taking the lid off and putting it on, taking it off, putting it on. And he only has to see you do something once and he will do it. The other day Anke blew on his food to cool it off so he started blowing on each bite before eating it. While we are on the toilet he will rip off pieces of toilet paper and drop them in the toilet, just like us (well, he is missing one key step in the process, but that will come later). Of course he makes mistakes as we all do. The other day he was so proud when he ripped a page out of a book, went into the bathroom and threw it in the toilet.
At the playground he is as interested in the gate as he is in the play equipment. He will push it open and closed twenty times, the whole time with the cutest look of concentration on his face as if he is contemplating the kinetic energy it takes to move the gate and calculating the coefficient of friction within the hinges. If he finds a coffee cup in the house he will hold it up as if he is drinking from it and then he will hold it up to my lips and push it into my face as if saying, "you look like you need some coffee Papa".

Noah is very good at entertaining himself. At home he will play with his toys for an hour by himself. He loves to throw things so he will throw something then chase it, throw it, chase it, throw it, chase it. Grunting and laughing each time he throws it. Once the room looks like it had been in Florida after the hurricanes he will explore the mess he has created, playing with things that catch his attention. He might push his skateboard around awhile, then drum on his xylophone a bit, practice taking the lid off a jar and putting it back on, crawl around under the kitchen table which is the area he claimed as his little fort, and then read a couple books.

Books are one of his favorite things. He especially likes to sit on our laps and look at books with us. As soon as a book is finished (he knows which pages are the last ) he will reach for another, doing this until every book around us has been read. He loves the books that have the little tabs to pull and flaps to open. He only needs to be shown once how to pull the tabs and he remembers what to do from then on.

I wish I had the memory he does. Kids really are sponges, soaking up more information every day than one can imagine. Sometimes you don't think about the fact that he is watching everything we do. Then you set him in the driver seat of the car and he starts acting like he is driving, putting the blinker on, the windshield wipers, turning the steering wheel and LOVING it because he is doing what he always sees us doing. He is the little baby animal learning the skills for survival; driving the car, talking on the cell phone, handling the coffee cup, (not to be mastered all at the same time until later in life).

Their are also some things that he doesn't learn form us, things that are just instinct. And these are things that one wouldn't necessarily guess. Like his interest in trucks and tractors. I don't know what it is about the male gene but it seems instinctive for baby boys to be interested in big vehicles with big tires, [ I wonder if this is true for just American babies? Maybe American men just don't learn to outgrow that obsession. Or maybe the corporations just know how to make consumer products that pander to our basic instincts. Or maybe since the male gene was most influential in the direction of technological production that production went in an instinctive direction towards things boys are naturally drawn to. Maybe this is also why our technology has gone in such a destructive direction, it is in a boys nature to enjoy destroying things. If anyone doubts this they should watch boys around a sand castle or snow man once they are done with it.] Anyway...Toy trucks and real trucks, he loves them all, and he did from an early age when I knew he liked them because HE liked them, not because I told him to like them, because I don't pay attention to them personally. Helicopters, airplanes, and birds are also things he has been drawn to from day one. He will hear a copter or plane and search the sky trying to find it, and if he does he will point to it and watch it until it is gone.

Sticks and rocks are other things that he is instinctively drawn towards. He will find a stick on the playground and will carry it with him for the entire hour he explores the playground. To do this he must crawl on his fist which is clenched around his little treasure. Today while Anke surfed, Noah and I hung out on the beach. Noah had a stick that was about as big as he is and he played with it the whole time. He looked like he was using it as a sword and he was making exclamations each time he stabbed it at his imaginary foe. It really made me wonder if in his past life he was a sword fighter. I am sure he never saw me using a stick like that. If there is a stick in our house it will be Noah's toy of choice more often than any of his other "real" toys.
The other thing he is naturally drawn towards in a frightening way, is Television! If the TV is on it is like a magnet for Noah's eyes. This is another thing he has in common with his Papa, if a TV is on I will stare at it, no matter what the show. This is why I never turn on the TV and sit facing away from the TV if one is on in the room. We don't watch TV in our house but we do have videos which we will watch sometimes. There are all sorts of videos designed for babies with colors, and pictures, and animals, and little kids. Noah LOVES these videos and they are one of those tools of distraction that we hate to use but sometimes just can't help it. Anke usually uses the video distraction when she is home alone and needs to make herself something to eat.

I am lucky in that I can leave Noah in the living room to play while I go to the kitchen or bathroom and usually he doesn't miss me if I am not gone long. But right now that isn't so for Anke, if she steps out of the room Noah gets fussy instantly. He is definitely more clingy with Mama than he is with Papa, which is one of the reasons it is easier being the father. But as everything else this will soon change I am sure. Noah is constantly changing, the fact that things with him never stay the same is the only thing that does stay the same. Next time I get around to writing about fatherhood he will undoubtedly be walking, probably talking, and who knows what else. This constant change certainly makes life interesting and keeps us on our toes. As Noah learns more things so do we, and that is what life is all about. Learning and growing as we travel through this adventure we call life.

I hope all is well, take care, I love you all, Danny

9 months - June 2004

2008-02-24T21:24:00.000-08:00

Fear Friends and Family,
Well, fatherhood is pretty fun these days. Noah is now 9 months old and he is a pure joy. He sleeps well at night (for about 10 hours) which makes for relatively well rested parents. While Noah is awake he is almost always happy, smiling and laughing constantly. People regularly comment on how happy he is, often saying they have never seen such a happy baby. His happiness is due in part to his love of people, he'll return almost anyone's smile; in part due to his love of everything else in the world, he is especially fond of dogs and trees - both of which are sure to make him laugh; and in part to the fact that both his parents are always smiling at him and laughing with him. It is impossible not to, he is just so damn cute and funny.
It is truelly amazing to watch him as he discovers and falls in love with the world. Nothing is unworthy of close inspection. Any object that ends up in his hands gets held up and carefully rotated so he can look at it from different angles and then bam, in his mouth it goes. Besides observing his surroundings, Noah is working hard to learn how to use his body. He hasn't figured out how to crawl yet (he's a lazy one) but can get around on the floor or in bed by rolling around. This method of travel works well enough for him to have rolled right of the bed one day, giving him his first bad experience with gravity. Baby talk has begun and is so cute to listen to. His first sentence was: "die, die, die, die, die" (I think that must be something he picked up on his trip to Germany).
Yes, he and Anke went to Germany for a month. Noah hung with his German family and met his Great-grandmother while there. He is lucky enough to have met both his Great-Grandmothers. It was good for Noah to get to know his German roots. Parsnips were his favorite. Yes, he began eating while in Europe. I guess the European cuisine is more tempting than American fare. He has expanded his diet since then to include other vegetables and fruits including carrots, sweet potatoes, apples, bananas, and burritos. Yes, like father like son, Noah has a taste for the finer foods in life. In fact, as an illustration of how fast things change with him, I was gone for just three days and when I returned he had gone from eating mush to having ate his first burrito. Beans, rice, cheese, guacamole, salsa, he ate it all.
Along with his first burrito other recent firsts include his first teeth and his first childhood illness. Both of these things have given us a reminder of what it was like in the early days of his life when he would keep us up at night and how helpless one feels when their child is suffering and there is nothing you can do to make them feel better.
Before I was a father I used to think that parenthood was something I would be happy to never have to deal with. Of course if I ever told a parent that, they would give me a disappointed look and say something to the effect of "Oh, you will never know what you are missing, being a parent is the best thing in the world!" I always thought to myself, 'Not being a parent is pretty damn cool too!'. The freedom of not having kids was so sweet to me. But now that I am a parent myself I find myself on the other side of the fence and I realize that all those parents were right. Having a child and watching them grow and discover the world is truly the best thing on Earth. It is, after all, what we have been programmed to do: billions of years of evolution have designed us for the purpose of reproducing and raising our offspring so they too, can one day reproduce.
Before we had Noah I was not a baby person. I paid little attention to babies and would never have wanted to hold one. Oh how we change. I now find myself oohing and awing over every baby I come across, each one striking a soft spot in my heart. In fact, when Anke and Noah were in Germany seeing a baby brought tears to my eyes.
Yes, being a Father is hard work and it requires giving up much of the freedom I enjoyed for so many years. But no matter how tough it seems I can never really complain because for the Father life is easy compared to the Mother. As have I developed a new appreciation for babies, I too have come to regard the job of being the Mom in a new light. When I start to feel like I don't have enough time for myself, or that I don't get to surf enough, or I don't get to see my friends, or I can't go to a concert, or whatever, I have to remind myself that I get to do these things way more than Anke. Although I rarely have the opportunity to, it is possible for me to go away by myself for a day or two, or to go surf for five hours. But for Anke the situation is completely different, she has this little helpless life that depends completely on her. If she gets away by herself it is for hours at a time, not days. I can't even complain about how much I have to work. For Anke it is more like how much I "get" to go to work. The prospect of being able to go to work for eight hours has sounded so sweet to Anke.
The amount of energy it takes, day in and day out, to be the Mama of an infant is endless. The baby literally sucks the energy right out of the Mother for she is the source of life for that child. Also endless is the amount of love a baby has for it's Mom. The Papa is a fun guy to hang around but the Mama is where its at! Part of Fatherhood is definitely getting used to being second best. It is amazing to think that every person on Earth, even the greatest and most powerful, were once helpless little babies, pure, innocent, and limitless in their potential and that as babies they were completely reliant on their Mothers for survival. Napolean, Bush, Hitler, Jesus, Ghandi, Mother Teresa, Margaret Thatcher, and Cleopartra were all tiny babies looking up into their Mother's eyes. The mother is the true creator and nurturer and without her none of us could be here.
Word to the Mother!
Take care and I love you all,
danny

fatherhood thanksgiving 2003

2008-02-24T21:15:00.001-08:00

Dear Friends and Family, December 5, 2003

Fatherhood is growing on me, sort of like facial hair. It is uncomfortable at first, especially at night when you are trying to sleep, but then it softens up and before you know it you can't imagine what you looked like with a clean shaven face.

You know when you smile so big for so long that your face actually hurts? I have found that to be a common occurance for me lately. Noah is smiling a lot and it is extremely contagious. I don't think there is anything on Earth more adorable than my two month old son with a big happy toothless grin on his face.

I have also begun to experience those proud moments of parenting when your child learns something new. Noah's latest accomplishment in coordination is the ability to put his fist in his mouth, I can't even do that.

The holidays are coming up as is Anke and my wedding. You can imagine how busy we are so I probably won't be emailing much in the coming month. I had planned to write a thanksgiving email, for there are tons of things I am thankful for, but I never got around to it. While I was visiting my Grandparents this Thanksgiving weekend I read some of my Grandmother's journals from when she was falling in love with my Grandfather. Her entry on Thanksgiving day, 1942 seems as relevant today as anything I would have written so I thought I would include that here as my Thanksgiving note to you all.

"Bing Crosby summed it up when he said "There will be happier Thanksgivings but none so memorable as this."

Will next year find the world in open warfare or unsettled peace? It is all-important that democracy survive the peace terms. China and India must be more than pockets for British hands......

In my own small way, I'm thankful for things that have nothing to do with my blessings of a year ago. Some, of course, are everlasting ... family affection and natural beauties.

But newly added is a war romance if ever there was one - Ray's letters have come to mean joy and jubilation, dreams and wistful plans..."

I would like to express my deepest thanks to all of you, my Family and Friends, for the support, love, and guidance you have given me along this journey we call life. You mean the world to me.

I hope all is well with you as '03 comes to an end and I wish all the best for you and the world in the coming year.

Peace on Earth, love, Danny

A whole new world - october 2003

2007-12-10T06:55:00.001-08:00

We were passing through one of the hottest, driest stretches of desert on our journey south. We weren't sure if our Volkswagen bus was going to get us to our destination in time. It was the last day of 2002 and we were hoping to meet some friends at a southern Baja beach to celebrate the arrival of the new year. As the Baja Hwy dropped down into another dry, dusty wash we saw a broken down old pick up truck parked along side the road and standing next to it was a young Mexican man holding a gas can. We had yet to use the spare gas we had with us so I pulled the bus over and brought our full gas can over to the stranded gentleman. When I arrived at his truck I noticed his wife and young baby were hanging out with the flies in the shade of the truck. As we emptied the gas into his tank we talked. He inquired about Anke who was stretching her legs by the bus. I told him we were going to be married. He asked when we were going to have children. I told him not for a few years. He was surprised and asked why we would want to wait so long. My Spanish is limited so I gave him a simplified answer. "Por que nosotros no queremos trabajar mucho. Prefieremos viajar ahora. Vamos tener ninos posible en tres o quatro anos." (because we don't want to work a lot. We prefer to travel now. We will have kids in maybe 3 or 4 years.) As I walked back to the bus he yelled thanks and sent me off with the blessing 'may you have many children.' Little did I know that that very night Anke and I would conceive our first child.
That day was just over nine months ago and as I sit here little Noah Lee Boyer is sleeping like an angel in the bassinet next to me. I have been awake with the little bugger since one in the morning, welcome to parenthood. I haven't been this exhausted since Burning Man. Luckily my mom is here for a few weeks to help out. I don't know what we would do without her. As Anke said yesterday, it is amazing how someone so tiny can completely dictate the lives of three adults.
Noah Lee is absolutely adorable ( I suppose I am biased) and so far for me the most precious moments with him have been when he has been sleeping soundly on my chest, his facial expression, the essence of peace. In contrast the most challenging moments have been those when his huge mouth opens up and he screams bloody murder for reasons we cannot determine. It is hard to believe such a little creature can make such a loud noise.
Days have passed since I wrote the last paragraph. I hope to finish this letter before Noah goes to college. He has been wonderful. I have learned to sleep while he is sleeping, no longer laying awake wondering if he is still breathing. The first week has passed and I am looking forward to each week getting a little easier. I watched a woman in the super market the other day with a one year old and that didn't look much easier. Yes, being a parent is a big adjustment, especially for someone like me who has been so commitment free most my adult life that I was still living in my car only 3 months ago. Yes, our lives have entered a new era, and rather than spending too much time thinking back about how things were, we are looking toward the future with joy and excitement. Noah is truly a magical gift and we are blessed to be such lucky parents.
During the pregnancy Anke couldn't wait for it to end. Not being free to live her active lifestyle was tuff for her. Now that Noah is here she dreams of the easy days of being pregnant. For her the turning point will be when she is recovered enough to get back on her exercise routine (in between feedings). The difficulty of being a parent, at least so far, is sure not equally divided between the sexes. First Anke had to have her body occupied for 9 months while life didn't change all that much for me. I suppose this is part of the reason that Anke read 20 books about having a baby, while I read a little here and there, mostly when Anke gave me reading assignments. And now we both have a baby to deal with, however, she is the one who has to feed him every time he is hungry, every time. Soon, that too will change, when we start using a breast pump so I can feed him with a bottle while she is off surfing.
So it has now been weeks since I wrote the previous paragraph. Today Noah is a month old. He is doing well. My Mom left and I am working most days so we are now truly exhausted. Noah changes every day and is such a sweet little creature. I am starting to get used to the idea that I am a father, but I still don't feel it completely. I think when Noah can acknowledge that he knows who we are I will feel more like a father. Noah seems to smile at us sometimes, but they say that that actually means he has gas. That's OK, I pretend he is smiling at me.
Fatherhood is going to be such a lesson, I have already learned a lot. I was never really a baby person so I had no experience even holding the things before. Now I am actually feeling pretty confident about my diaper changing abilities and burping skills. There are learning moments at every turn. From the more profound lessons in life like having patience even at three in the morning with a screaming baby in your arms to the more trivial like what a bassinet is. One day a teacher at Marin Horizon, where Anke and I both work, congratulated me on our coming addition to the family and asked if we need a bassinet. I thought she meant Basset hound, for I had never heard the term Bassinet before. "Oh, no," I replied, "A Bassinet is the last thing we need!"
The teacher was surprised at my answer. "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm sure, we definitely DON'T need a bassinet."
" Maybe you should ask Anke."
I couldn't believe her insistence that we get a dog to add to our family as well. Then I asked, "Uh, what exactly is a bassinet?"
So began my education into a world previously unknown to me. A world of binkies and diaper champs, strollers and diaper rashes, slings and diaper services. Yes, now when my friends and I sit around we are no longer talking about the latest issue of Surfer's Journal, its the Mothering Journal. A whole new world!

so much to learn - June 2003

2007-12-10T06:52:00.001-08:00

Well we just passed the half way point of the pregnancy. So many thoughts have gone through my head in the past few months I could never write them all down. Anke and I are super excited about our new adventure we have in store. It is exciting but also overwhelming and even a little hard to believe. Of course the rapidly growing belly is making believers out of us. I think the third trimester will be the “Oh shit I’m having a baby” period. Until now I have been relatively unaffected by it. Of course Anke is much more effected. She has had a hard time adjusting to the fact that she can’t be as active as she is used to. She is very athletic and requires daily exercise to feel good. Now it seems like everyday she can do a little less. It is very hard for her and for me too because other than comforting her there is nothing I can do. At least I can finally keep up with her.

There is an overwhelming amount of things to think about now. What kind of diapers do we want to use, disposable or washable; when can we start teaching him or her to surf; how do we raise a child to be bi-lingual; what should Anke be eating while she is pregnant/breastfeeding; how do we carry the baby; what kind of stroller should we buy; what do we name it; how do we get it two passports; at what age can we travel with it; how are we gonna get any sleep with it; will it sleep in our bed, in a crib; where will we live; do we want to give our child immunizations; do we want to circumcise it if its a boy; if its a girl how am I gonna keep the boys away; what kind of car seat do we need; and the list goes on.
To go along with the questions there are an overwhelming number of people who want to give advice. Nobody really knows how to raise a kid or there wouldn’t be so many books about it. Books, magazines, web-sites, friends, family. There are so many sources of advice, many of which contradict each other. Being in more than one country just compounds the problem. In Germany they seem to think every thing we do in the states is ridiculous or bad for the baby. Back home everyone told us that the best thing they ever bought was a sling to carry the baby in. So we figured we would definitely get a baby sling. Then we went to Germany and everyone told us the slings are horrible because they babies need to lay flat while their spine is young. OK, so we don’t want a sling, instead we are getting what they use in Germany. Then we went to Slavokia to visit our friends who are new parents and they told us that the sling is the thing to use because the babies shouldn’t be flat. In the states the strollers are designed to use the car seat as the bed. But based on the theory that the babies should be flat that isn’t a good design so we bought a stroller here in Germany. Now that we researched strollers I find myself checking out every stroller I see on the street. The same goes for baby cloths, gear, and babies themselves. My world is being taken over by baby things.
Anke has done most of the reading and research up to this point. It isn’t that I don’t want to learn everything but I just haven’t had the urge to read about it. I have been reading other stuff instead. As it gets closer to exam day I picture myself trying to cram with information. Anke has begun to feel a bit like she is more devoted towards the baby than I am so I have been forced to start picking up some books. In fact I should stop typing for awhile and read some baby stuff to make Anke happy. Later

Prueba De Embarazo January 2003

2007-11-19T21:32:00.001-08:00

Yesterday I learned some new Spanish vocabulary. Namely “prueba de embarazo” or “pregnancy test”.

My fiancé, Anke, and I have been camping on a beach in southern Baja. It is a long time favorite of mine and many of my friends and is our little secret surf spot which we call Gentle Giants. It is a beautiful, romantic spot with a mile long white sandy beach, beautiful blue water like one only finds in the tropics, humpback whales can be seen frolicking off shore daily, and the sunsets are each day like the best you’ve ever seen. Anke and I are often the only people camped here and during our three weeks here so far our biggest decision of the day is usually what to eat next or whether or not we should go surfing or find something else to do on the beach, like read, go for a walk, play bocce, or eat. Totally hang loose care free living. Until Anke’s period was late.

About two months ago Anke decided to go off the birth control pill which she had been on for over 10 years, since she was a teenager. Finally deciding that it wasn’t good for her health to continue we decided to get off the drugs. So we bought a bunch of condoms and a book called “Taking Charge of Your Fertility” by Toni Weschle. The book is written by a doctor and is called the “definitive guide to natural birth control or ...."

The book teaches all about what goes on throughout a woman’s cycle, when during the cycle it is that you get pregnant, and how to chart your own cycle so you know when it is and isn’t safe to have sex. Most of this is done by the woman taking her temperature and by analyzing the characteristics of her cervical fluid.

So only two months after we take charge of our fertility we find ourselves on a beach in Baja waiting for Anke’s over due period and watching for the accompanying temperature drop by taking her temperature constantly throughout the day and night. The whole time we are reading more and more of the book, learning about the possible reasons her period could be over due. Pregnancy seemed unlikely, actually impossible according to the “dry day rule” from the book which says that sperm cannot live in dry cervical fluid for more than 2 hours and our charts showed that the last time we had sex (new years day) before her ovulation was on a dry day followed by another dry day. But as we sat by the camp fire and read the book over and over again the passage we read on day 18 of her luteal phase that said “if your luteal phase last longer than 18 days you are most likely pregnant”. This helped make up our minds that we should stop waiting and go into the nearest town the next day and get a pregnancy test.

After breakfast and the usual digging, pushing, and struggling it takes to get our VW bus out of its sandy camp site we were off to town. The drive into Cabo San Lucas is very spectacular with views of rugged mountains on one side and the mighty pacific on the other. Two weeks before, due to a recent rain, everything in sight was green and there were many yellow and red flowers as if spring had hit Baja. This time on our way into town we noticed that the leaves were already turning yellow and falling off. The desert enjoys a very brief spring time and the plants take full advantage of what rain they get when ever they get it.

Cabo isn’t my favorite city in Mexico, in fact it ranks down there among the least favorite. It isn’t such a bad a place to go shopping for supplies (food, water, beer, ice, propane, mouse traps, etc) because you can do everything you need in the local part of town without ever seeing a gringo or hearing a word of English. But on this day we needed to get money from the ATM machines which are located in the tourist part of town. So we found a nice spot for the bus and walked to the bank, passing Cabo Wabo and Burger King on the way. With cash in pockets we went to the farmacia to get a pregnancy test. On the way to town we looked up the words for test, prueba; and pregnancy, embarazo. The pharmacy was full of angry tourists speaking English, which the pharmacists also seemed to speak. But preferring to struggle with the local language I asked for a prueba embarazo and the woman behind the counter produced two to choose from. The woman said they both worked well but the more expensive one was safer. I asked why and even though I couldn’t understand what she said I was convinced. We want to be as sure as possible. Anke told me that sometimes you can get a false negative result but never a false positive. We took our purchase to the little restaurant we saw on the way to the bank which had tortas, liquados, and a TV blasting Mexican pop music videos. After we ate our carne asada tortas and drank our juices Anke took a styrofoam cup into the bathroom, peed, and did the test. The result takes a few minutes so we went shopping in the super market and then checked the test. I looked at the color of our test and looked in the directions which came with the test. Ours looked like figure D which said next to it “Si despues de 4 minutos ha aparedido un color rosa en la ventanilla central grande, usted esta embarazada.” Or ‘if after 4 minutes there appears a pink color in the large central window, you are pregnant.’ Through her tears Anke kept asking if I was sure. She made me go in and ask the lady in the pharmacy. She confirmed what I knew already and congratulated me with an enthusiastic “Felicidades!”. The Mexicans love children and would always ask us if we had any. When we say no, they’d always ask, well when then?

Anke had me go back in to the pharmacy again and ask if the test results were certain. Yes, the woman ensured me, don’t worry, you’re going to be a father!

Holy shit!!

So we sat outside the super market in Cabo in rod iron chairs, Anke cried, and I reassured her that it was going to be all right as if it was a Bob Marley song, and then we began to worry.

The immediate reaction is to think about all the plans that we had which this will affect. We were planning a big wedding in October and then we were going to travel to Australia and New Zealand to look for a place we might like to move to and someday start a family. Anke has her own business teaching snow boarding and surfing with a friend and they have a full summer of trips and classes planned. We both live in our cars and have little medical insurance. Anke has some travel medical insurance and I have medical coverage in Mexico because I will be working down here for three months this spring.

Wow!!! What a shock.

Little things kept popping into our minds. Anke said at one point “well now you’ll have to drink the whole case of beer we just bought all by yourself”. If I must, I must, that is one fatherly responsibility I looked forward to starting as soon as possible.

We called my mom in California for some motherly advice. My mom is the ultimate source of information. She is super smart and knows a lot of things and what she doesn’t know she finds out quickly using the internet. Want to buy a digital camera, know how to make a thanksgiving turkey, or have a baby, she’s the one to call for advice. Sure enough when we went to the internet cafe to email Anke’s mom and sister there was the first results from my mom’s initial internet search: Anke should eat a well balanced diet including .4mg folic acid, iron, calcium, B6 and B12.

So the last stop in town was another trip to the pharmacy. The women in this pharmacy didn’t seem very happy or helpful. With the dictionary in hand we began asking for the things we need; folic acid; calcium or calcio; iron or herro; etc. I felt like I was in a high school Spanish language book and this chapter was called “At the pharmacy”. My struggle through the vocabulary list produced a counter full of pills, each one a different combination of ingredients, including the ones we wanted and many we didn’t, each pill with different amounts of each. We were totally confused so I told the women behind the counter that Anke was pregnant and they all smiled and went “Ohhhh!”. Suddenly in front of us was a bottle of pills called “Materna, vitaminas Y minerales”. The ingredients included everything we wanted plus things we didn’t know we wanted but apparently we do. Problem solved. After the whole pharmacy chapter I remembered from past experiences that if you just tell the people in the pharmacy what your illness or condition is that they will know exactly what to give you.

The rest of the afternoon was spent talking over all the scenarios (we could go to Germany to have the baby, postpone the wedding, I’ll get a “real” job, etc.), and after reminding ourselves that we can still come camping on the beach and travel around with kids, it all kinda sank in and didn’t seem so bad. Knowing that we had to look at the bright side of life we stopped worrying about how the future was going to be different than we had planned (isn’t it always) and we began to focus on the good things about the future that is now going to be. We are going to be parents earlier than we had planned. Luckily we already know that we want to be with each other forever and that we wanted children someday. And it isn’t like I haven’t had a chance to live life without the burdens which come with fatherhood for I am now 32 years old, I have spent only half of the past 11 years working and have traveled around the world to over 30 different countries. Now it is time to enter a new phase of my life which will lead me to new adventures.

We got back to camp in time to catch a couple waves under a brilliant colorful sky. Actually Anke caught all the waves causing me to observe the power of the pregnant woman, mother to be. On our way to the surf I mentioned that we need to stop worrying about the things that are bad about the situation and focus on the good. Anke reminded me of the quote she had read to me a few days before from the book Illusions by Richard Bach which says “there is not such a thing as a problem without a gift for you in its hands. You seek problems because you need their gifts.” We continued our discussion about the subject late into the night and of course it continued the following day. By the 2nd day after receiving the news we had both completely accepted the fact and our thoughts were only positive about the situation. The initial panic and worry has been completely replaced by joy, excitement, and anticipation of the wonderful things to come.