A whole new world - october 2003

We were passing through one of the hottest, driest stretches of desert on our journey south. We weren't sure if our Volkswagen bus was going to get us to our destination in time. It was the last day of 2002 and we were hoping to meet some friends at a southern Baja beach to celebrate the arrival of the new year. As the Baja Hwy dropped down into another dry, dusty wash we saw a broken down old pick up truck parked along side the road and standing next to it was a young Mexican man holding a gas can. We had yet to use the spare gas we had with us so I pulled the bus over and brought our full gas can over to the stranded gentleman. When I arrived at his truck I noticed his wife and young baby were hanging out with the flies in the shade of the truck. As we emptied the gas into his tank we talked. He inquired about Anke who was stretching her legs by the bus. I told him we were going to be married. He asked when we were going to have children. I told him not for a few years. He was surprised and asked why we would want to wait so long. My Spanish is limited so I gave him a simplified answer. "Por que nosotros no queremos trabajar mucho. Prefieremos viajar ahora. Vamos tener ninos posible en tres o quatro anos." (because we don't want to work a lot. We prefer to travel now. We will have kids in maybe 3 or 4 years.) As I walked back to the bus he yelled thanks and sent me off with the blessing 'may you have many children.' Little did I know that that very night Anke and I would conceive our first child.
That day was just over nine months ago and as I sit here little Noah Lee Boyer is sleeping like an angel in the bassinet next to me. I have been awake with the little bugger since one in the morning, welcome to parenthood. I haven't been this exhausted since Burning Man. Luckily my mom is here for a few weeks to help out. I don't know what we would do without her. As Anke said yesterday, it is amazing how someone so tiny can completely dictate the lives of three adults.
Noah Lee is absolutely adorable ( I suppose I am biased) and so far for me the most precious moments with him have been when he has been sleeping soundly on my chest, his facial expression, the essence of peace. In contrast the most challenging moments have been those when his huge mouth opens up and he screams bloody murder for reasons we cannot determine. It is hard to believe such a little creature can make such a loud noise.
Days have passed since I wrote the last paragraph. I hope to finish this letter before Noah goes to college. He has been wonderful. I have learned to sleep while he is sleeping, no longer laying awake wondering if he is still breathing. The first week has passed and I am looking forward to each week getting a little easier. I watched a woman in the super market the other day with a one year old and that didn't look much easier. Yes, being a parent is a big adjustment, especially for someone like me who has been so commitment free most my adult life that I was still living in my car only 3 months ago. Yes, our lives have entered a new era, and rather than spending too much time thinking back about how things were, we are looking toward the future with joy and excitement. Noah is truly a magical gift and we are blessed to be such lucky parents.
During the pregnancy Anke couldn't wait for it to end. Not being free to live her active lifestyle was tuff for her. Now that Noah is here she dreams of the easy days of being pregnant. For her the turning point will be when she is recovered enough to get back on her exercise routine (in between feedings). The difficulty of being a parent, at least so far, is sure not equally divided between the sexes. First Anke had to have her body occupied for 9 months while life didn't change all that much for me. I suppose this is part of the reason that Anke read 20 books about having a baby, while I read a little here and there, mostly when Anke gave me reading assignments. And now we both have a baby to deal with, however, she is the one who has to feed him every time he is hungry, every time. Soon, that too will change, when we start using a breast pump so I can feed him with a bottle while she is off surfing.
So it has now been weeks since I wrote the previous paragraph. Today Noah is a month old. He is doing well. My Mom left and I am working most days so we are now truly exhausted. Noah changes every day and is such a sweet little creature. I am starting to get used to the idea that I am a father, but I still don't feel it completely. I think when Noah can acknowledge that he knows who we are I will feel more like a father. Noah seems to smile at us sometimes, but they say that that actually means he has gas. That's OK, I pretend he is smiling at me.
Fatherhood is going to be such a lesson, I have already learned a lot. I was never really a baby person so I had no experience even holding the things before. Now I am actually feeling pretty confident about my diaper changing abilities and burping skills. There are learning moments at every turn. From the more profound lessons in life like having patience even at three in the morning with a screaming baby in your arms to the more trivial like what a bassinet is. One day a teacher at Marin Horizon, where Anke and I both work, congratulated me on our coming addition to the family and asked if we need a bassinet. I thought she meant Basset hound, for I had never heard the term Bassinet before. "Oh, no," I replied, "A Bassinet is the last thing we need!"
The teacher was surprised at my answer. "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm sure, we definitely DON'T need a bassinet."
" Maybe you should ask Anke."
I couldn't believe her insistence that we get a dog to add to our family as well. Then I asked, "Uh, what exactly is a bassinet?"
So began my education into a world previously unknown to me. A world of binkies and diaper champs, strollers and diaper rashes, slings and diaper services. Yes, now when my friends and I sit around we are no longer talking about the latest issue of Surfer's Journal, its the Mothering Journal. A whole new world!